I know the rule is to block, but we can’t always block people in certain professional settings, etc.
I’m pretty proud of myself for dodging a bullet.
I recently was talking to a friend about wanting a Jason Momoa type that was also smart and also kind, etc. She low key tried to tell me my standards were too high. I’ve been celibate for more than a year now, trying to break my patterns of falling for hot guys who disrespect me. My thing is- a guy is hot, he treats me badly, and I go out and find an even hotter guy who is super into me. Then, their mask falls, and out I go again. At some point it became more about ego and proving a point, and I somehow kept finding hotter, more exotic guys, but I somehow always got my feelings hurt anyway, ending up falling for them.
So… back to the point about Jason Momoa. I now have met two guys in the world of academia who are comparatively hot (I think I just mean brown and muscly). My old self would have tried to start something. One of them was heavily flirting with me one time. But now, 1. I’m celibate 2. I don’t mess with intimacy anywhere near my professional circles. 3. I can see a lvm who wants casual sex a mile away. 4. He’s not even staying here permanently (just here for temporary research trips)
I friendzoned him and he ended up not pursuing anything when he realized I wasn’t down. (He had invited me to a social event and never followed up. In my pick me past I would have checked in, or felt rejected, etc) This time I forgot all about him.
Anyways… I just ran into him at the gym. We said hi, I was friendly, it was uneventful (except for how hot he looked 👀). The timing was off for us to socialize further bc he’s leaving the country soon. So, toodle-oo! C ya.
Anyways, later he negged me over text, loling about how I looked too serious and he almost didn’t recognize me. I laughed & told him I’m like that bc there are too many babies around trying to talk to me (when I met him he was bummed I was a few years older than him- as in he’s not older- so it seemed like a sore spot that I took pleasure rubbing in). Usually I would have made fun of myself and played along. That shut him up for now I think.
I know these are small things, but it shows how much I have changed. My friend is wrong about the existence of Jason Momoas who are smart and into me. The key point is that I didn’t try anything with him to prove a point. I already know how it ends. Most of all- I was so nonchalant & unbothered by the whole thing. Which is especially surprising to me bc I’ve looked better, more fit, in the past and feel more insecure now. But I guess I have higher self-esteem now. Now I’m like- you go queen! 👑 You don’t need him or any man!
So this one goes out to those of us who are still insecure: “Getting a guy” will never feel as powerful as rejecting him.
