So, I'm still rather new here and I was studying the sidebar and came across an interesting thought. The gist of it is that OP does not really allow herself to really attach herself to her partners. While I totally agree that Stoicism is an advantageous philosophy to abide by (good idea for another post) I think once we've vetted a really good potential candidate our time should be limited not the affection and or attachment/love that we devote to them.

Back when I was a nice girl, when I met a guy I really liked I would want to spend all my time with him and I wanted to talk to him all the time. I would text, I would call, and I would invite him places (cringe). If I had plans with friends and he invited me out it would be like nothing for me to ditch my ladies to hang with him (double cringe). Obviously, you guys know what happened, I developed cringy/needy tendencies which weren't just a turn off to him but to my friends too. I got slapped with the reality stick when I realized that I was putting too much time and effort on men, and not on myself and my girls. never again. ever.

Nowadays, i am so busy with my work, my girlfriends, my self care, working out...my overall routine....the thought of not doing any of that to see a guy that doesn't add value to my life is laughable. The more we let guys know that our time is precious and that we have no problem at all not seeing them the more they will put effort in making the time we do spend with them special.

The bloke I'm seeing now books my time well advance and always has a plan. He listens when I talk about the kinds of things I want to do and he knows the kinds of places I would like see. I don't say, "i want to go here", I just communicate to him the places I have been with my friends. For example, Buddy asked me out on Friday, but I didn't go because I said my girlfriends and I have plans to go to this lovely bistro then drinks after, I told him I've been dying to try...My friends and I did *not* have plans to go to this place...I made it up, instead I went to the gym and then hung out with my roommate and worked on my knitting project. Saturday rolls around and I got a text from him inviting me out to a very similar style of restaurant, and a "when will you be free"....well i was actually busy Saturday and Sunday, I told him I just wanted some alone time on Monday, and I *asked* if Tuesday would work for him. Of course Tuesday would work....it's the only option I gave him.

There is no harm telling a guy that you want your alone time, there is nothing wrong with saying i'm going out with my friends, sorry i cant see you. But when you do see him, don't complain about work, be SO positive and fulfilled he'll just feel so very special being with you, remember your time is precious and you don't have time to be negative or to complain. When you're not with him do NOT text him first. Remember your time is precious and you dont have extra time to text him... he'll wonder if you even think about him when you're busy with your day, he wont actually know, and he'll love it.