I discovered this sub a few months ago and I am well aware I should have listened to the tips on here but it was my first dating experience, I have anxiety and I thought I was overreacting.

I asked advice to my therapist who told me to be patient, to not cut him off and see how it goes. I asked plenty of advice everywhere and people always give me mixed opinions, I was confused af but deep down I knew it wasn't right. Thank god I didn't fall in love lmao

I met this guy (20 yo) 4 months and a half ago through Reddit. We lived close to each other so we decided to meet up for dinner. It wasn't clear if it was a date or just a friendly dinner but he went near my place to pick me up and drove me back home and we were alone. As soon as I jumped into the car I immediately felt comfortable with him despite being a socially awkward person in general.

Long story short I had a great time and I got the vibe he was attracted and interested but afterwards no texts so I texted him and immediately asked me out again.

The second time was long and we only talked because the cinema was closed. When I came home I had a weird gut feeling that we weren't a match romantically because we were different on some things.

I had social issues in the past, anxiety and depression and I ended up being kinda isolated (for a combination of things) but he was the opposite and he is indeed a very social guy.

I went on holiday and we regularly talked on Whatsapp but when I came home he was a bit flaky so I thought he wasn't that attracted.

At some point he randomly suggested a movie night at my place and I was happy, I didn't feel a strong romantic connection but I felt attracted to him physically and wanted to make out etc

That night it was evident he was attracted to me physically but he made a move halfway then regretted it then started with a dramatic monologue about not wanting to use me for sex (he had read a post about me not being into casual sex before) because a romantic relationship would have been forced (I felt the same at that point) but he was into me physically and liked my personality despite not being his type.

He was very interested in me and pushed me to talk about personal stuff and suffering which led me to nearly crying. He wanted to make a move again to do sexual stuff and acted weird but the sexual tension was so great and I just wanted to go for it.

Afterwards we talked about it on Whatsapp and it was all so unnecessary and dramatic. Initially he said he considered staying friends but why the hell did you express your attraction? He could have played cool since we never kissed and they were not official dates. It made things awkward and made us frustrated.

I suggested being friends with benefits and I was really into the idea for some reason but he said it wasn't a good idea for my mental health and didn't want to date casually.

Later on he wasn't clearly confused and I was too. I gave him some options; stay friends, be fwb or date without any big expectations.

We decided to just see each other and see how it went naturally without a real purpose.

I didn't really want to date and I felt ambivalent tbh but went for it because I didn't want to lose him.

Later on it was a mess, for 2 months we saw each other once a month. If I didn't text him he didn't either for over a week and I was sure he wasn't interested anymore at that point. Also my anxiety made it very bad to deal. He asked me out then changed plans more than once.

Since he had some excuses I confronted him about it and said that if he wasn't interested then he could just say it bla bla bla He dismissed it and said he wouldn't have bothered if he wasn't, it wasn't really true etc and he was just busy. (I kinda gave him the chance to back off and he didn't).

I thought I misunderstood so I told him it was my B-day on the 27th of September so I invited him for dinner and cinema. He accepted and the night was fine aside from the fact that he was constantly asking me about my social issues and what I was doing about it. It made me uneasy and he realized so he apologized etc. I asked him if he wanted to be friends and he said he didn't really know in that moment.

Later on I still didn't initiate many texts etc because I felt ambivalent and I wanted him to do  it because guys generally initiate etc

We began talking more often and he seemed more into it. He hinted at dinner so a few days later I asked him out (he complained I never initiated and we didn't see each other much for that reason) he said he has his mom's birthday and other stuff. I was like wtf and I felt defensive because it wasn't the first time but he gave me proof and apparently it was true that he has other things planned for a specific day (Sunday I think). I asked him if maybe I wasn't his type but he said he didn't know etc

We actually went for dinner and that night he was all nice. He hugged me, asked me questions and seemed more into it. I asked him to go at my place and there we kissed for the first time.

It wasn't that great but I still felt attracted to him and enjoyed his company, it was my first kiss and I got anxious because he went too strong and it was leading to foreplay. I stopped him and he apologized etc, he was very nice about it so it wasn't a problem.

He was considerate afterwards and asked me about it, he initiated the idea of going for a trip for a day in a nearby city etc

Things were fine but I didn't really feel a spark but I didn't want to end it too.

I wondered how much time it takes to fall in love (I don't really believe in love at first sight and immediate in love feels) and decided to give it time.

He began texting me 2-3 times a week, asking me out more frequently and wanted to see me more often. I enjoyed his company and started being more into it (dating etc).

Long story short I started liking him more and I also went to my other apartament near where he lives so he could visit.

There we kissed again and did some foreplay. This time I was more comfortable and I enjoyed it.. We were supposed to see each other again the day after but he bailed because his mother was sick. I gave it the benefit of the doubt since after what he has been through he wouldn't have lied about something like that (his father died of cancer when he was 16). Then he bailed again with another excuse but through the day he texted me and said he wanted to come visit to make up for it.

I was confused because he was distant later on and he told me he was going through an hard time and feeling depressed for no reason. He never gave me the vibe of being a liar but I still felt paranoic and anxious a lot because it was a constant game of hot and cold.

I asked him if he liked the encounter but tried to avoid talking about it. The second time he said it was fine and very natural but he had an hard time having an emotional involvement. He wasn't in love and it was more physical than emotional even though he had an emotional involvement for a while.

I got angry and felt stupid because he had a change of attitude lately and I thought the pursuing meant he was interested.

He still acted interested and said he wanted to continue seeing each other to see if it could evolve. Last time it took 6 months to fall for a girl he had known forever so I considered waiting.

We saw each other and talked for an hour and he said he wanted to be honest etc. We talked about relationships etc and later on we held hands and kissed.

We texted me again a lot, every 2 or 3 days then like 3 times in the span of two days.

I came back home happy from the night out but then I realized it was NOT a good sign and I was in  a bad mood. I wanted to avoid him and at the same time continue.. I tried to see him to see him for sushi but he said no because he didn't want to eat it then we went to Mcdonald's because he asked me out .

He seemed to act normal and he began to ask again about my social issues but then it escalated quickly and shit went south real quick.

He clearly didn't understand my issues and he clearly said he didn't but it made me uneasy again. He mentioned another girl (the best friend of his best friend) who was going through an hard time, how great she is and she was pretty bla bla bla

It pissed me off and kinda asked him why tf he was talking about another girl with me. He dismissed it and said he wasn't interested in her because she was a close friend of a friend, he was not her type and mostly she was involved another dude etc

Later on he told it pissed him off  because it was innocent and petty and I got jealous. We prolonged the date and talked for at least an hour and half and two more. I was about to jump out of the car and he put his hand on my leg and we kissed quickly. I impulsively asked how things are between us and he said sometimes good and sometimes bad.

I wondered what was bad and he said I didn't seem ready for a relationship, there are some things about me he doesn't like and he is trying to figure it if there is potential.

I didn't want excuses and BS so I clearly asked if my personality was the issue. Turns out he thinks we don't have intimacy, we have different lifestyles and interests and he is not sure if there is a future because he doesn't have feelings. I never hid my interests and I don't understand how it took him over FOUR months to realize. I kinda pushed him to say those things and I wondered why tf he dragged it and he said he wanted to find stuff in common etc

Long story short one thing led to another and we were not just friends anymore at some point and he changed his mind quickly from the last time we saw each other.

I got very angry and said he was constanly changing his mind etc, he didn't want to talk about it that night bla bla bla. I was like "then you aren't interested romantically anymore?" And he said no because being interested doesn't mean necessarily in a romantic sense. He wondered if I don't want to continue because it may seem ambiguous etc (wtf) but he cares a lot about me.

I called him out and he yelled at me that I have toxic beliefs and he wasn't just sure but what if I didn't bring it up?

I got out of the car without even saying bye, I blocked him for two days on Whatsapp then unblocked him. I also deleted his phone number and the old chats (over 7k messages! It hurt to see).

After 10 days I felt better and wanted to recover the connection and stay at least friends since we talked about personal stuff, he always said he liked my company and dates were very great etc

I texted him and he was so salty, he said he didn't want to be friends because of my bad vibes and it was hurting him. I didn't just started annoying him but it has been continuing for a while and he cared more about his mental health. He said he cared about me a lot and that the last time he saw each other was a BEAUTIFUL night and that I ruined it with my questions about dating, he even got angry and yelled at me etc

I replied with FACTS since he has always said he enjoyed my company, the past weeks were very good even though he was not in love, he never said I was annoying and said this was a problem at all. Also it's not that I talked about my issues all time, it happened maybr 2 or 3 times, also I did it because I trusted him...I didn't want to seem nagging so I asked him too once or twice.

We were not official and didn't have labels so it wasn't a official breakup. He blocked me everywhere and put his IG on private.

He seemed salty and unfriendly when all I did was trying to be friends after he said he didn't feel a romantic connection. I wouldn't asked if he said he was in love because it would have been cruel. He talked as if having me around killed him or something.

He contradicted himself like 10 times and it's so annoying, I feel like I wasted nearly 5 months for nothing. He did everything by himself. He contacted me and decided to date me even though I was problematic for him (depression and anxiety issues) and now suddenly he acts like I stabbed his dog.

I feel salty about I wasted nearly 5 months. I didn't get a boyfriend nor a friend, not even sex so wtf

I discovered this sub in September I think but I wasn't sure about it because it has a bad rep and it was often compared to incel subs.

I just don't understand what the fuck was even point he could get sex by being fwb so why bother with all this shit? I was into it because I clearly didn't see as bf material. It didn't bother me that much.

I know I need to move on etc but it just happened and it was shitty because I thought we had a connection that wasn't necessarily romantic.

He may be hurt or dealing with his BS but fuck try to be more decent at least, he didn't even respond and blocked me everywhere.

Sorry for the long post tho