I am separated and going through a divorce after a 20 year marriage. We met a woman that we worked with at the same time about 25 years ago before my ex-H and I were dating. He and this other woman became good friends and she and I were just friendly with each other. Once my ex-H were married she would come around occasionally and hang out then she became even closer friends with us. As time went on she became "auntie" to our two kids and hung out even more with us. She is also married but is frequently a part from her husband because of work. The last 5 years of our marriage she became super integrated into my ex-H's side of the family. Close to my MIL (who couldn't stand me), his aunt, and his dad and step mom. She would text with all of them and hang out with them etc. Then it got to the point that my ex-H would pretty much ignore me whenever she was around. At dinner parties he wouldn't include me in conversations and would mostly just talk to her. He would text her constantly and have hour long phone calls with her. I started getting really jealous and told him and her that it bothered me and still it went on. I am convinced this is part of the reason that we are divorcing. Anyways when I've asked other people if I am wrong in thinking this is way too intrusive on my marriage I was basically told that I was being silly and that they are just friends (which they are it was just too much for me). I know basically can't trust my own judgement on this subject and wanted to get some outside opinions if I'm crazy or not.

FYI - I am not friends with her anymore and have to be on good terms with ex-H because of the kids. I am pretty sure he is throwing her a Zoom birthday party tonight and his family will be on.

Thanks for reading my long ass post.