Excuse me if this post has too much of a pickmeisha vibe, but it's been my only concern for a long time. So, long story short my bf used to mention his ex a lot, routinely (well, monthly) went to parties where she was invited and I wasn't (old classmates' parties so it's fair, but there was one time where it wasn't the case - the party wasn't held but I could have gone if it wasn't for him saying how it would be weird - I know, I know). He met up with her ex once I didn't know about and only told me later and there was another time about half a year later where he told me. He got weekly, sometimes more often messages from her, I was annoyed and fed up so I told him that he should push for inviting me or not go, and that he should limit contact with her. The messages still came sometimes and I would see it because the desk he works at is placed in a way that I can see it. The messages stopped so I became suspicious after a while. When he showered and the screen timer hasn't locked it yet, I snooped. I was baffped when I didn't see her name at all so I searched and found the hidden messages. We were about to (now I want to get out of it) move in to a beautiful apartment in a very good neighbourhood and he told me he only told one of his best male friends and I only told him only one of my best gay male friend knows it because he is a really trustworthy person. We wanted to air the news gradually. So, he recently told the ex as I found. Scrolled back and two weeks ago there was a week where they talked constantly and she talked about getting up in the morning, making homemade jam, cookies, she showed one of her drawings to him (I thought it was our mutual passion, not theirs too), he praised it, he told her how he is crazy because of the lockdown (no mentions of me, just in general, but it felt icky). So yeah, that's it. I know he may have hidden it because I told him I was annoyed by seeing her picture pop up occassionally, but it still feels sneaky. She also told him to talk to her about his projects in detail, it was a very girlfriendly vibe. I feel torn and crazy about snooping, and I don't know how to deal with the situation in a sophisticated way. I want to talk to him about this, but I feel like if I start with snooping he'll be on the defensive. I told him I got suspicious of something and it's eating at me (that he's probably hidden the messages and I know his answer would be that that's what I wanted, and to be fair he told me about her sending him shit occassionally so it wasn't a secret). I want to clear things up because just leaving would be very cruel, but I don't know how to go about it. Any advice on it? I know this isn't the place for being a pickme, but I feel like at other subs I would be just berated for snooping and being a jealous controlling bitch and here I could have sane advice. TLDR: Snooped, he was talking to his ex in a hidden folder because I told him the picture popping up is bothering me, they were very friendly.