This week I said no to future plans offered by a mediocre guy that was way too aggressive and dominate (smashed his hands into my face and kept calling me a bad girl) during a make out sesh on our second date. I found FDS a few days after that, and with this inspiring community, was able to tell him "i'm actually gonna spend this weekend with friends." Not only have I not heard from him (blessing in disguise) but I feel like I'm on the cusp of the biggest emotional shift of MY LIFE!

Last year when covid hit I was dating a 39yoM while I was a 22yoF. Overweight, complete asshole tattoo artist that put me down nonstop. Said I looked like I "walked out of a trashcan, and got dressed in a Goodwill with the lights off". I believed him when he said he broke his ex girlfriends nose "on accident." Finally I broke up with him after the quarantine anger got so bad and he told me "you are so annoying, one of these days I'm going to blow your brains out."

Four years ago, I had dated my first abusive boyfriend. No job, no car, high school dropout and total loser druggie. We smoked weed together and dropped acid and I thought we were "so in love." I paid for everything we did. Drove him everywhere. Took him on vacation and paid for everything (I was 19yo and worked two jobs). We then worked on a ranch together and moved into a cabin there. Things kept elevating as he used me for sex and then would tell me how annoying I was and how everyone is too intimated of me to let me know, and how he was doing me a favor. My friend from high school died from a heroin overdose and he told me to get over it and that he had "never heard me talk about her so it must not be important." He then breaks up with me, tells me he is going back home, while still pressuring sex in the week after. It ends with him driving our bosses truck and screaming at me while he drives into oncoming traffic, causing a major car accident. EVEN AFTER ALL THAT, I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL WITH HIM. The next day he hops on a plane and leaves all his shit at our bosses place. I then mailed said shit back to him.

This is a long history but I just can't believe the amount of abuse I have tolerated in my life when I know myself to be a kind, smart, funny, amazingly creative, extremely fit and healthy, giving, and conventionally attractive person. Why has it taken me this long to realize that I am a high value woman?