For context I started a relationship with this man when I was 15, he was 24. It’s taken me a long time to realize how much his influence had effected me. I was going through some things I had in storage and came across a jewelry box with a gun shaped earring in it. It occurred to me I bought that at 16 years old, with no personal interest or liking because I thought he would like them. After throwing it away I was thinking of all the things I did or convinced myself I liked to do throughout the relationship, wanted to share a few

-I rubbed his feet every night

-Took care of his house, do his laundry, cook him dinner every night

-Layed out his clothes (including socks or underwear) and put his socks on his feet for him

-there was this time I argued with him because he insisted we were still on the gold standard, his sister was visiting when I corrected him but I was wrong for trying to “one up him” (never admitted he was wrong btw and called me stupid for it)

-I had no job or car during the relationship on his insistence but regardless it was my fault we never went out anywhere

-I was crazy and controlling for suggesting we budget better

-I was crazy and controlling for suggesting he not play video games so often

-he worked in security (armed no less) and i did the online training portion (videos and questionnaire) while he played video games

-for the three years I lived with him I took care of every single need the dog had, literally not once did he take it for a walk around the neighborhood

-managed his relationships with his own family, playing middle man when he threw the equivalent of a temper tantrum when he was ever expected to do something

-never once, literally not a single time genuinely enjoying the sex with him, and thought that was completely normal

I’ve grown up a lot since then, I still feel some shame for these things but honestly if I heard (and I have here) of another girl at 15 being groomed to do these things I would easily say that man was a manipulative pedophile. That’s what he is. It’s beyond pathetic to have a young girl, coming from an abusive household no less, more or less trained to put your socks on for you and tie your shoes like a 5 year old. If I stayed I wouldn’t be surprised if he eventually asked me to wipe his ass for him.

I’ve seen a lot on here about coming up with strategies of dealing with the immense shame of being with these kinds of men. It helps me to imagine what I’d say to someone in a similar situation as myself, and of course laugh at the kind of grown ass man who needs a young woman to tie his shoes for him.