Got divided a year or so ago, and after starting work on myself and recovering, I start to see things differently; especially regarding female nature. I try to watch and listen to both sides as to not be a stereotype of a bitter divorcé, but I can’t help but think differently this past year and with a couple things this weekend.

1) My cousin. Love him dearly like a brother, and his now wife is far better than what she used to be, but he’s still pretty BP with relationship dynamics and just accepts things “as they are” or as being normal. He mentioned something and then joked about how he’d be on the couch for it, and I told him jokingly, “dude, just tell her you’re not sleeping in the couch”. His face changed and time lowered and told me in a quieter voice so no one else could hear, “that wouldn’t go over man, and I’d probably be there for another night because of it”. I so wanted to tell him to tell her, “No.” and see what she’d do, but I knew and know it would not go well, and that battle would have to wait for another day.

I truly hope for the best for him and as little pain as can be, but I got an instant feeling that she’s just chameleoned better, and now that there’s a ring and a baby, he knows he has to bend to her will. I just wish he’d realize that most of her power is derived from him letting her have it and wield it, but I know it’s easier said than done.

2) A friend of mine- single mother, still pretty hot tbh, but nothing has ever happened between her and I. We talked about a bunch of random stuff, and then childhood came up and how now it’s our generation raising kids and things changing and all that, and she asks during the discussion if my friends for the most part had parents that were together. I said yes, because it’s true (Mom met and married technically my stepdad before/when I was 5 and knew most my friends). She said her parents were divorced when she was in elementary school, and most of her friends had divorced or were from a somewhat broken or abnormal home. I instantly connected some dots and some conclusions from things learned and heard here about single moms, and how patterns continue, and that women from divorced and/or single parent homes tend to end up single parents also. To be honest (and sounding like a simp), she’s done very well for herself (stable job, good home on her own, attentive mother, etc), but I saw the red flag faster and had that voice in my head saying that she’s trouble, or would be trouble if I ever got involved.

Guess my point is that there’s always some AWALT there if one looks beneath the surface, and that women (and men) make decisions that end up reflecting on or from their upbringing. I just hope that the kids (my cousins kid and her kid- both boys) turn out ok in the gyno-controlled environment; either by rule of law or by solo-parenting.

Hate to be judgy of family or friends, but reality can be a harsh splash of water in the face