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I'm (31M) in a DB relationship with my wife (34F). I have a successful career and children. Looking for input from both LL and HL. Has anyone in the HL position ever actually "fixed" their LL partner or do you just have to learn to mourn and move on from the death of your sex life.

Things were great between us before we moved in together. (We have been together 13 years, married 9.) We both went though some very depressive times due to outside and unforeseeable circumstances in the beginning of our marriage. (Tripple-Death, abuse, alcoholism in the family... crazy shit) So when things started to decline back then, I understood why and I dealt with it as best I could. Now... I have a successful career, she works part time, and we have 2 kids. She pretty much does nothing but spend money -shopping, taking the kids to zoos, museums, shows. She plans our weeks our months in advance. We are never at home. (She is at home alone Monday and Friday, but those are her TV days.) She severly lacks motivation to do anything around the house. I do not confront her about this. I have tried once or twice and it's a dead end. So for most of our marriage I have been the primary cleaner, picker upper, organizer. Which is/was fine but now is starting to hurt.

If our sex life was at all active, I wouldn't mind. But since our sex life is so terrible, I feel like I'm being used. They use my money for fun, my energy to clean their house, and in return I get yelled at whenever I ask a child to clean their room or feed a pet, or God forbid ask my wife to pretend to desire me.

It's made me resent my wife, my children, and anything we do together as a family. I know those feelings aren't rational and I dont actually blame my children. I'm just saying that the DB has made me resent being alive. I'm angry 24/7. Its affecting every aspect of my life. When I wake up in the morning I often have this irrational feeling of guilt because I didnt die in my sleep.

My wife makes me "work" for it and it really really turns it off for me. She will get into bed sometimes with two pairs of clothes on, pull two blankets over her, and bury her face into her phone. She expects me to basically makeup a love sonnet and make her "believe" I love her and don't just "want her body." Its a game for her for me to persuade her into sex every time. I fucking hate it.

"FUN" sex is not allowed. Only "love" sex. During sex, if it any time, I move in a way that annoys her, pull her hair by mistake, or fail to read her mind, its completely over. She will stop and tell me how selfish I am and how she feels no connection. I'm not allowed to ejaculate on her, I always have to cum last, and we aren't allowed to do it anywhere other than the bedroom. (And in 10 years we have never had sex anywhere else.)

Recently, against my recommendation, we got a cat for my oldest daughter. Well the cat terrorizes my youngest at night. Uses her head like a soccer ball. So now my youngest sleeps in my bed with my wife and I sleep alone in the basement with my dog. Been that way for about 6 months and I think we have had bad sex once in that time.

What hurts so bad is that my wife is pretty awesome outside the bedroom. We get along great. But now I'm making that all very awkward because I cant hold back my resent and contempt. I cant enjoy anything.

When we were younger, she was very sexual and would often initiate. She would even ask to watch porn together. I'm not sure when that changed but its been at least 5 years since our sex life was enjoyable and more frequent than 3 or 4 times every six months.

Now the personal part. I've become addicted to porn. I have augmented that addiction with a fleshlight. It's been great and terrible at the same time. Porn isn't my wife and the fleshlight isn't a real person. But it doesn't bitch at me, yell at me, or call me selfish. So now I just feel overwhelmingly sad and pathetic whenever i start to watch an adult video. Then I just get angry and resent my wife even more.

Divorce would ruin both of us financially. The child support and alimony I would have to pay would prevent me from paying rent or a mortgage. Neither of us have any place to go and she would not be able to support herself with her job. My oldest has expensive medical needs and so she would suffer the most. I dont even want to talk about it. Its simply not a viable option. In no way does that road have a better destination.

What the hell do I do?