Shutting down to dating

70 points54 commentssubmitted by SL-Gremory- to r/dating

I'm really bad at putting this feeling into words, but I feel as though I'm slowly shutting down to the idea of dating and women as partners in general. I'm a straight, early twenties guy, neither attractive nor ugly, decent paying job and own place, healthy and fit, hobbies, and enjoys his own life well enough. Basically, I've got my life together.

What I don't have is any drive left to pursue anyone. Rejection after rejection after rejection for six years of earnest trying, talking to friends and doing what I can to improve my person in any way, and seeing absolutely null output for a ludicrous amount of time spent. The analogy I'll give is a nail that's hit over and over again into the dirt until it's so deep there's nothing left to hit. I still remember there was a point in time when I'd see a pretty, happy, smiling woman and think "wow I'd love to go on a date with her!" Now not only has that feeling long since vanished, I've completely stopped feeling sexual attraction almost entirely. It's actually frightening to me. Things that used to be an absolute turn on don't even register anymore. I decided to write my post when a friend sent our group a Snapchat of him with his waitress at Hooters (consensual) and got lots of replies of how gorgeous she was, but I felt absolutely nothing. I started thinking who the last girl I saw I thought was pretty, and couldn't bring one to mind in the last few weeks (a month even?).

It's scary. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself and some part of my mind or psyche is just shutting down. Is that normal?