Long time lurk/commenter and now to my first post here. A few things about me first before I get into why you should be careful about what conversations you have with immediate family, even if they lean more "conservative". TLDR at the bottom!

I am a 24 year old working full time and saving for a home while finishing school for my CMA (Certified Managerial Accountant) degree. I landed a decent entry level position making about 40k a year and planning getting a house sometime next year. I love my family and the sacrifices they have made along the way to raise me and my brothers. They have allowed me to live at home rent free while I pay for my tuition out of pocket. They raised me to have good values, at least I believe they did.

We had a discussion this night about crunching numbers, and what I could reasonably have for a down payment on a home in a year or so. This eventually turned into a topic about "having a family" and "meeting someone" because this can cause unexpected expenses (kids). I usually avoid this topic, because I have made up my mind to not settle into a relationship unless the cards just line up right. Even then, I don't want to marry considering what that whole ordeal entails. Instead of continuing to dodge, I said fuck it, and laid out what my values were on the table. I said that I would want a relationship where I would provide for my family, and where my partner would nurture kids while they are young (until they start school/1st grade). Mind you, I did not say that my partner would not be able to work at all when we are together, I just consider it extremely important and valuable since my mom also raised me and my brothers as a stay at home mom until I was in middle school.

From my dad's reaction, I could tell that he wasn't a fan, but didn't say much. However, my mom absolutely blew up at me. Basically told me that she didn't raise me to be that way and that I was a pig. I stayed calm and asked her what the issue was if I was in a relationship with the scenario that my partner was okay with this. I also stated that I wouldn't continue a relationship knowing full well that the woman I was with is adamant about pursuing a career and not staying home to raise children up until kindergarten/1st grade. I wouldn't want to continue a relationship like this because we would have different values and problems would ensue further on. She proceeded to ignore me the rest of the night without being able to say what was really wrong with that traditional structure of a family. I flipped the scenario and asked if there was anything wrong if a woman brought up that she would like to be a stay-at-home mom and wanted me to provide and be the sole breadwinner. Still no response to that one either.

If anything, this just doubled down my resolve to not get married, or even think about a relationship in general. If I cannot even get the support of my own family for even a single thing I am looking for in a relationship, then what's the point? I guess I am not allowed even a single standard for a relationship, let alone any for that matter. Why are women allowed to have a plethora of standards with some being out of the control of a man, but I cannot have just one?

I apologize about the length/rant but I just needed to get this one off my chest in a community where I feel comfortable to do so. Thank you for reading this if you got this far, it means a lot!

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TLDR:

Be careful about what you say to family/parents even if they lean more traditional/conservative. They may claim to have traditional values, but when it comes down to it, they might just be feigning it.