The irony with most blue pill dads is they lost all their power and become a puppet of the woman that is in "charge" - so much that they forget about their own children. I always thought while i grew up whats wrong with my dad. The dads of my bandmates always came to the concerts, mine didn't mainly when mum was not in the mood. He just stayed home and watched TV. Great job.

So my dad calls me today on my gig and tells me that "mom is sick" in a serious tone and im like yeah great idea to tell me that on my biggest gig that i ever had with the band in my life. Of course he forgot the date, because he doesn't care at all. He failed to make any connection with me. He could have waited just one more day, thats it.

What a fucking idiot. All my life, everything was always about her. Im chronically sick and he never even was concerned, he just said ah okay or just told me "to get healthy" and never took it seriously for one second because im male, pushed me hard so i get into the rat race thats all - that almost killed me in university because i tried to live up to his expectations and ended up in the hospital, from that point on i didnt give a shit about his opinion of my time management. When it happens that mum gets sick he instantly freaks the fuck out, what a fucking joke.

He does not give a shit about what i do and how i grinded up to the point where i am at now. All while being sick as a dog myself and i never complained about it to him. For him its worthless and while i realize he is an idiot i still feel this void in me in situations like that. I still feel this void like who is this man, why did he bring me up, it makes me angry and mad. He never had a real passion or anything like that, you cant blame him for everything. Seriously dont know how to handle that shit.