Ok, first of all English is not my native tongue, so I'm sorry for my grammar in advance.

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So the story goes like this;

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I'm 32 years old, soon turning 33. I had 3 long-term relationships in my life. The last one was a relationship for 7 years, when she left me in April this year. The "she left me" part is important because according to stories she told to all my/her friends, family, acquaintaces, whom ever, we "decided to split up". Really? Well then I was ill-informed. We lived together practically for the whole period, so it was more like a marriage then a relationship. Her reason for leaving me was very vague, something in the lines of "I expected more from us" and such bullshit. Now I know I wasn't perfect but I never once cheated on her (and I had my chances), attacked her phisically, I took care of her, we were financially stable, I didn't blame her for her spending sprees (explaining that to myself as normal woman nature-which it absolutely is), I was planning a child, buying a property, you know the works. As you could expect, I was devastated, and still am to an extent. I also decided to apply the no-contact rule, and believe it or not, it lasts from May. During that time I was on antidepressants (and I also am but slowly reducing the dosage), went to a psychiatrist twice (didn't do much and also expensive), hadn't had practically any sleep in the last 6 months, there were periods when I contemplated sucide, but through strong will (no one could make me feel better-most of the people surrounding you, including your family are minding their own business and have problems of their own), I'm slowly recovering, that being an overstatement at the moment. But, You know, baby steps and all that shit...Oh yeah, and on top of that, the company where I was working got shut down mid September so I lost my job. After the rain comes the sun You say? Well that was a fucking flood and Noah's Arc was nowhere in sight.

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Haven't seen her for, as I said previously, 6 months now. Which is also incredible because she works 1500 feet from where I live. Oh yeah, she got a big promotion 3 months before she left me, maybe important to the story, I don't know. Anyway, the urge to go there was strong but I decided not to. Why, you might ask? Because I maybe started to appreciate myself through time. But really probably because I would explode and stab her on the spot for ruining my life and taking away 7 fucking years which I will never get back. Anyway, I will never probably know the real reason why she left me (we could all guess, and probably someone will get it right, but who, I cannot say with certainty).

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The other point of my post was to let You know I was exploring the MGTOW community for the last 2,5-3 months, and it really started to dawn on me. I started GMOW without even realising it. My interest in women declined to the point I only jerk off to porn because I can't even be bothered to communicate with a girl, let alone start a conversation, or try to have sex with them, because they are all the same. All of them. Including my own mother. My grandmother. Whom ever. No exceptions. That is unbelievable. And I can tell You, I'm not the only one. There's more of us. Hundreds, thounsands, millions. I see men GTOW everyday, they can't handle the plantation where they are slaves and the women are the ones holding the whip. What has become of this world? What does the future bring? Not just for me but all of men and women. It's a sad state of affairs if You ask me.

Sorry for the long post, wanted to get it off my chest.

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tl;dr

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Left out in the cold from a woman after 7 years of "marriage". Lost my job. Still devastated, but very slowly pickng up the pieces. Contemplated suicide, don't know the real reason for her walkout. Been no contact for 6 months now, proud of myself for that (if that's anything to be proud of). Discovered the MGTOW community 3 moths ago. Realised I was GMOW even before discovering the movement. AWALT.

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