Firstly, apologies for the wall of text. But it is surely a wall of reflection of what I just found myself facing, and willing to break through it with an iron fist. I decided to share the same wall so you can help me find any weak point in this wall to do just that, or to be there on the other side to cheer me on and welcome me. I might need all of the support I can get after this trauma.

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So, as a preface, I have been getting used by women in plain sight for nearly all of my adolescent life and only just now realizing this. I'm middle aged man, single/unmarried with no children, well-paying career, own a fun car and comfy house, and have been raised almost exclusively by women with very few legitimate male figures in my life. When there were any they weren't around for very long before being driven out by reasons I was too young to understand.

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I never thought of women as manipulative, conniving or egotistical. I had always thought they were just the most beautiful creatures and naturally gravitated toward them just like the filthy beta male I am sad to admit I was. Still, I went largely unnoticed despite being Mr Nice. But now that I am very well off financially, mentally and physically, suddenly a few of the girls from my past have somehow managed to find and contact me. Of course, being the thirsty male that I was, I was ecstatic! ...So ecstatic that I was blinded by the truth. Their true motives for contacting me never crossed my mind... And all too soon, I found myself forking out large sums of money to them both after hearing their sob story about how life is not working out for them, and how they are divorced with a child or two. Two women who do not know each other reached out to me, and I began financially and emotionally supporting them both without thinking.

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Now that I see that, even over long distance, I have been getting cucked. Only except I'm worse than a cuck since even they actually get some tail every now and then - or however much the bare minimum their woman is willing to give just to keep him attached.

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I am deeply disappointed in myself. The red pill is one of the roughest pills I have ever had to swallow because the more I research the more depressing and dark it becomes. It's funny how when I gave women attention I was ignored. But when I ignored THEM and just focused on myself, they came back. I am beginning to see the big picture and it the ugliest painting imaginable. Full of the red flags and misleading patterns that can have you staring at the picture for ages, trying to figure out why it even exists to begin with with so much complexity. You begin to wonder what exactly is this picture trying to hide behind all of this complexity. you try to dismantle it line by line, only to end up with a dead end. A never ending labyrinth that once reaching the exit, you are placed back to the beginning. The only way out has been there all along. You press Pause, and you leave this stupid game. We have always had that option available to us, but its not easy to see the controller when you are focused on the problem at hand. Because men are thinkers and problem solvers. I have been oblivious to for so long. The thing that triggered this was from a youtuber, Redpill Coach, who brought up the 3 basic things women want from a man.

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  1. Psychological security (AKA, emotional support)

  2. Physical protection (AKA, physical support)

  3. Providing materially (AKA, financial support)

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To me, that seems reasonable and simple things to aspire for in a life-long partner. I don't see anything wrong with it. But as I continued into MGTOW videos and content, I am beginning to see something I could never see before. If you can prove to do at least 1 out of 3 of those, SOME type of woman will cling to you, no matter what, depending on her individual level of desperation. Obviously women who are in higher demand will be able to require all 3 and get just that and nothing less.

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However, a single mother nearing 30 will settle for only 1 if she needs, and a 2nd would be a huge bonus.

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Unfortunate to say, I am prime example being roped into this concept. I was tying the noose to swing around my neck without me even knowing that I was. I have been providing #1 and #3 to these two women from my past who ignored me. One day, or rather, too many months far too late, I decided to test them. I told them I was cutting my financial support to them due to some legit reason as best as I could pull off as convincing enough to them. Sure enough, they did not explode on me, but instead told me that it was "OK", and that "at least I can continue to support them emotionally."

TWO. SEPARATE WOMEN told me the EXACT same thing. This here was a HUGE eye opener for me. Because by me taking away #3, they were desperate enough to fall back on #1 just to keep me around as the bare minimum. I just proved myself right and it is the most depressing thing I have ever experienced.

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How did this happen to me? They are playing me for the fool and I am happily letting them with a smile on my face. I don't want to be a part of this system anymore. It's all a big game of deception and I am biologically programmed to fall for it because I am a predictable, simple-minded horny man with nothing to gain from courting women but everything to lose. This is like going to a casino that you KNOW is rigged to be against your favor 100% without exception, and you have been TOLD this to your face by many people, yet you still go there thinking you can somehow magically win one day.

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I haven't cried in a long time, but this makes me so angry that I actually feel like crying. I feel I have failed as an individual person.

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All of that money I've donated to these struggling mothers could have easily been invested into something far more redeeming or useful, like food sent to children in Africa, or Children hospitals, or business investment, or even just paying off something in advance, or even keeping it in a savings account where it does nothing at all for any short period of time - even that would have been a better thing to do. Yet, instead I literally just assembled a mountain of cash in my backyard and set it all on fire. Where I stop providing, they will find someone who will, and not give me a second glance back, no matter how much I've helped them to this point. This has to be the very definition of being used.

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After recently discovering MGTOW and the red pill, I am beginning to awaken and see the evil I never wanted to believe existed. I can't help but feel deeply disgusted with myself that I have allowed myself to be used so the most extreme form of being used, a damn slave to people that I am socially well above. I'm too compassionate for my own good. It's difficult for me to say "no" to people who are stuck in a dire predicament but this is something I feel I am going to need to learn because I am noticing a trend that whenever I pull someone up out of a rut, I fall into one myself, and the people that I have helped are suddenly no where to be found. I need to stop forgetting that my life is about me and what I want to do with it, and things that jeopardize that basic principle should not be part of my life at all.

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As a fairly easy going and happy person, this experience has me feeling very bitter about everything I thought I knew about the world.

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A super hero who receives no credit for his good deeds can easily either become a villain, or emotionally detached to the point that he will no longer bother trying to save and protect - and will let the world burn. Thus, Misogyny and MGTOW are born, respectively. Thankfully, I am not heartless enough to go the route of the former, because I believe self-reflection and self-correction is far useful to do rather than just pointing fingers at others for what they're doing. I am willing to point the finger at myself and work towards bettering myself, so I choose MGTOW and I will ever look back.