In a way i never could feel how you get older when i was younger. I have this spirit, i wanna stay young forever, i wanna live forever because i like myself and everything i do so much. It's not like that im super successful or famous but i really like this version of "reality". No, not really. But in my heart i was MGTOW from day one. Kids bullied me in school. My response: Who gives a fuck about what you guys think? That was the moment i was born. I was 12 but i didn't care about anyone thinking shit about me. Maybe i would care here and there but you get the picture.

Im scared to lose this conciousness. I adore my beautiful brain more than my body. A mix of emotions and deep understanding. Maybe it's just me realizing how everything is limited... My father has alzheimers, how much time is there still left? Life is confusing the hell out of me. You can do anything right but everything feels wrong. You can do anything wrong but it feels so damn right. If you do anything right (like my father) where is the fun in life? Where do we get this sense of freedom?

I wanna have an impact in my life. Im not quite there yet. Had the most terrible 20s you could think of (chronic crippling disease) and an unsupportive enviroment. Other than that i never give up. Slowly im getting there. But who knows maybe i'll do something completely else in a couple years. I really don't know.

All of this was triggered by listening to an older song from the grunge 90's area. It put me into a rocket, riding into space. You know the fuck im saying. There is something about life. And it's not just bills and money, all of this means shit if you're done. No one fucking cares what you did in a 100 years. Really no one gives a flying fuck, ever.

But i do give a fuck about what people here think. I can learn from this place. That glass of whisky was good tho. So damn good. Life is beautiful, too damn beautiful sometimes. Ever heared a woman say that?

Cheers,

MK_D