I lost my home, career, kids, and everything i owned in my divorce. I have attempted to date women, but i finally realized any woman that wants me now sees me as a gold ticket for more money and the kind that i want, consider me to much a risk and broken. I attempted suicide 8 times last year bc my ex just destroyed everything in my life through the court. I served honorably and was even enlisted to officer commissioned for 13 years prior to this so the military is giving me 90% medical disability retirement because of ptsd, major depression, and panic attacks. The only thing thats made me happy in the past year is me going camping and biking through the parks. i havent been able to find a home to live or a goal worth pursuing yet, but with all of these hurricanes, i think its time for me to just go and help others in need. Im at that time of healing where i honestly need goals for when im seperated from the military in a month. Ive been I'm intense domestic abuse and ptsd counseling (over 240 appointments) for the past year and have to do it for at least 4 more years of this to keep my retirement. Yeah. I have to go to near daily counseling to remind myself what hell was reaped on my life just to keep my retirement. How fucking insane is that? Ive debated on going full monk but i don't want to lose my retirement and health care.

Right now my goals are

  1. Find a home 2 change my name so the pyscho ex cant find me

  2. Raise service dogs (1 for each child my ex stole from me). My first service dog was actually stolen by an military member that is pyscho and has three men under sexual assault investigation so i gave up trying to get my dog back due to fear of false allegations which she threatened despite her being a butch lesbian and a fellow pysch patient. I cant even begin to make this shit up.

4 Help other male victims of domestic abuse with a bed to sleep . Ill probably just have a free room in my garage. Nothing fancy just a shelter.

5 Buy a few used things and repair them for my home.

6 Rent out my extra rooms to help with bills.

  1. Go back to school using voc rehab so i get paid to attend school. Atm im thinking therapy animal and check school. I already have two degrees already in finance and accounting.

  2. Find a cause to commit and help others less fortunate. Im debating on moving to Miami just so i can help others rebuild.

Im never speaking to my old family as they told me to just give up my kids and helped that bitch any way they could with her filing in the courts that they were t ever allowed to see my children unless supervised despite them being teachers, doctors, and deacons of their church. Their kindness to her was just abused and enabled her to use it against me in court as me being unable to take care of my children without help.

I need ideas to help me get past the anger and resentment. I want to finish healing even if it takes years to do, ill commit. Anyone have some ideas? Please dont say meditation or pills. I do those and it doesn't help enough. I think i have to sweat it out honestly.