Gents, first post, have appreciated others' contributions for some time. I'm in my 40s and have seen the dating world change so dramatically since my 20s. This experience was less than a decade ago, before the current level of misandry got turned up to 11.

After reasonable success, and even a brief engagement to a long-term girlfriend, I began to focus on developing my business more than dating. It was a good time to find myself so I worked on my fitness (mental, physical, spiritual). Through a spiritual group I was connected to, I met a woman who interested me. She was coy at first and played hard to get but I could tell she liked me. We started dating and her wildness was a bit surprising to me - but it was push/pull. I recall on our first date she literally going back and forth (out loud!) "I want you RIGHT NOW but I want to slow down." She'd later told me she had a very wild life in her 20s living in NYC ...more later.

I was enjoying being more confident (David Deida-style) and appreciating but not attached to having a woman. So I did my best to not chase her and give her space which clearly got her more interested. She liked and asked me to pull her hair, etc. Now with #metoo, I don't even think about things like that (not dated since 2016 either). I found out a few weeks in that she had been *confirmed* diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder).

I was immediately concerned (and could understand where her intense mood swings came from) but she was fairly positive overall and 'doing the spiritual work,' so I felt at least this was a woman willing to look in the mirror and make changes. That she was my type (a pretty cute and wild redhead) was also Kryptonite in a flimsy lead-lined box.

But, after the very short initial honeymoon, the gas-lighting intensified. Blaming me for things in her life I had no control or influence over, her emotional highs and lows, holding things I said against me (hadn't learned to not confide in a woman), shit tests galore. I hadn't yet realized I was a co-dependent enabler but my emotional neediness at the time fed into her need for validation and desire to exercise subtle control in the ways covert narcissists do. It's like a switch that flips when they sense they've suckered you in and the darker side comes out.

She told me more of her past and admitted to a history with hard drugs, being wined and dined by celebrities while in NYC (names you'd recognize). She claimed to literally have died of a heroin overdose and was resuscitated. So yeah, LOTS of alarm bells!

I actually suggested to go with her to a therapy session which she agreed to. Once we were there and after some initial pleasantries, IN FRONT OF HER THERAPIST she started to gas-light me. She couldn't help herself. I could see it was just the way she was, and I definitely couldn't 'fix' or 'help' her.

Her therapist called her out on it. And this b*tch just acted like a little girl caught with her hands in the cookie jar, coy look and all. SMFH.

I ended it soon after, having confirmed it wasn't me that was crazy. But the scars had me doubting myself and in emotional turmoil for well over a year. We only dated a few months. That was the last straw of emotionally investing in a woman, as from milder experiences it seems to be a matter of not if but when the other shoe drops.

I came across Aurini's video on Borderlines and it floored me. No jail time, but in this day and age I could have seen that happen.

..and that video is gone from YT, as his channel was deleted. I wish I'd archived it. It was scathing, and honest, and I would agree with everything he said.

Now, I focus on my health, my peace of mind, my business, my hobbies, and just enjoying the precious gift of life every day. I've lost my father and numerous relatives, seen many men's lives devastated with divorce / separation and lost custody as well as financial ruin. I've been spared all that, through Grace and luck and keeping my eyes open.

To those dating, be very careful. With the dangers of #believeallwahmen, #yesmeansyes, #metoo, it's just too dangerous even BEFORE you realize she is clinically insane. The emotional scars of opening to a modern woman, with the threat of the law on her side, makes dating just too dangerous for me.