Hey guys, I guess I’m just here to vent real quick and hear your opinions about my situation. I’ll try not to ramble too much lol.

When I was back in high school, I use to extremely energetic and eager about life. To be honest, I use to be a hardcore simp that would always try to pursue the hottest girls in school. Sometimes I was successful, sometimes I wasn’t lol. I also had really cool friends that I would go to parties with constantly. But after high school, I started to change dramatically.

I started to slowly become red pulled without even knowing it. I remember my first year of community college meeting this extremely attractive girl. I felt like we were hitting it off great, but after a month she said that I came off “disconnected with the world”. I couldn’t really see it until later, where I have a habit of not being emotional and acting like I don’t care (especially in public).

I would say around 20 is when I definitely became red pilled. I just lost interest in pursuing anything; whether that came to relationships or educational goals. I just decided to remove contact with all my friends since I wasn’t interested in partying and deleted all of my social media. When I got accepted into a UC public school and attended summer classes, I hated my life. Of course I had my experiences with the college girls there, but I wasn’t the least bit interested in majoring in anything. I hated all the propaganda at my orientation about acceptance and diversity. Granted I am African American (mixed), but I could see all the college wanted was my money and going into debt was just pointless. I remember black clubs we’re going up to me and I felt fucked up for saying I wasn’t interested. I also felt fucked up for telling a girl who was in one of my summer classes that relationships were pointless (she immediately stopped talking to me). But it was the way I really felt. I eventually just cancelled my enrollment at the university after the summer.

I guess I just want to know if anybody else feels like nothing matters as well and how do you deal with this feeling on a daily basis? Currently I am 21 working in a warehouse just saving the majority of the money I make. Even in the warehouse I don’t show any emotion and just make small talk with anybody who comes across. I was able to maintain a 4.0 in my community college so I can still transfer to a UC or any California college, but I have no ambition to further my education. I don’t want this post to come off like I hate life as well because I really do enjoy my current life. On my off days I just listen to lofi hip hop (Workout too) & go driving to Huntington beach to eat lunch by myself. I have supportive parents and older siblings that are pursuing their own ambitions. I just feel fucked up that I don’t have any of my own ambitions and have a nonchalant attitude going about my life.