So I was talking to a woman ten minutes ago. And I noticed, I don't want to escalate. I want to have a good time, exchange niceties and feel good. I do not want to touch her and risk a bad feeling. I do not want to say things like "Why don't we go home to my place" or that she looked sexy. I do not want to feel awkwardness. I want to be nice and her be nice, have no bad emotions and then go home alone or together, but without the "I have to escalate" part. I want her to treat me well.
Overall, I do not want to feel pressured into risking to lose her. It makes me nervous and anxious.
But I also notice, I run out of things to say after a while. She doesn't offer anything interesting and then the conversation dies out. And then it's over. No nicety is nice enough, because she demands a change of action now. She demands me to lead. And if I don't do that, because I feel pressured, she becomes hostile, finds something to argue about and ultimately leaves.
Then there are times when I sit at home and wonder why it makes me feel so bad to lose her. And I find millions of "methods" on the internet, but none of them touches my core.
Many resigned to say: everyone has to go through this, you have to go through the fear of escalation.
NO.
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