Personal question

git_hur_done · 2018-01-08T07:37:28+00:00

You asked a few questions, so I’ll answer them in one shot: don’t try to fix someone that is broken. Whatever the motive behind your desire to help people, know that in relationships, you will only be dragged down. Broken people (both men and women) are unknowingly parasites that destroy anyone in their vicinity. If you are in a relationship with a girl, you are making yourself vulnerable to them, and they will destroy you.

lostapwbm · 2018-01-08T07:38:17+00:00

why do I have these desires? I know I said I didn't have that help growing up but there's more to it and i want to understand

Probably because you believe that if you save a damaged hoe, she'll be so overcome with gratitude by your love and sacrifice that she will love you in the way that you want.

That shit never works out.

DagonNaxos · 2018-01-08T07:48:27+00:00

I had/have this problem. Something from your past, probably from your childhood, is missing. You wanting to fix broken people is probably due to you having an unmet need or being forced into a role that you shouldn't have been forced into when you were young.

You can take it as psychobabble if you like, but I've done some life authouring stuff and you'd be surprised the amount of unresolved shit you have in your past that fucks with your head today.

zuhbooze · 2018-01-08T07:51:24+00:00

Broken women break men. Stay away from them, they're toxic.

Sounds like you need to focus on yourself more. Ignore the idea of women for a while.

mrk68 · 2018-01-08T08:00:30+00:00

I have this desire to fix people, or at least help be there for them

This is how we got to the place we are in society now. Blue pill thinking. Automatic White Knighting. It’s all gone horribly wrong.

Men build solutions for everything. When women get in trouble, a man is there to catch her fall.

We go to war to protect them.
We build the roads so women can drive the cars men build.
We build the infrastructure to give women every modern comfort including the electricity to the little phones they tweet on all day.

Yet whats happened?

Men are now the enemy to women’s rise to greatness.
Men are disposable cucks when a stronger man comes along.
Men are the trash that #metoo them by merely showing the slightest interest or wink.

Women have become the spoiled snowflakes who are busy trying to bury their victory flag atop the empire that man have worked and died for generations to build.

Don’t fucking help another female. They’ve made their decision to open their skirt and piss in our faces, and now it’s time to turn away and focus on ourselves instead.

Ed_Moy · 2018-01-08T08:26:11+00:00

I had a LTR with a "damaged woman" for years. News flash, she was AWALT, just sprinkle medication (that she stopped taking without telling me) on top of that plus serious mood swings and sporadic bouts of depression, anger and loathing (for herself or me) .

All it did was make us both miserable and terrible for, and to, each other.

The need to fix a damaged person you're dating or care about is an "idea" that's been instilled into us through movies, tv, music, books, mythology, school and news. The theme is, "be the white-knight, be the hero, be the savior, sacrifice yourself because that's what men do."

If you know that you don't have the strength of will to combat that on a daily basis without losing yourself slowly over time, then you will mentally destroy yourself, destroying you both in the process.

I found this out the hard way. I found a line in the sand for myself, realizing the hard truth that I become maliable when cohabitating for long periods of time with someone. It is a weakness that I now know is there, and I've accepted it. I know that I don't have the strength of will or the commitment to fight to keep myself whole against attacks on a daily basis. So I know that marriage would destroy me mentally.

You need to give yourself, the real you, a deep hard look and ask yourself if you have that strength to keep your individuality without it being slowly eroded away over the years and months.

buckscaldrip · 2018-01-08T12:33:59+00:00

[deleted]

footloosemonk · 2018-01-08T09:49:34+00:00

'damsel in distress' is a stereotype. Either we perceive a woman to be one or they pretend to be one to get our attention.

Think of the caveman era scenario- a bear is coming to attack a woman and she's having this helpless expression in her face- and we jump into the arena to protect her- this has been conditioned into our brains.

Now neither there's such threat nor we strong enough to counter it but still we tend to act on these instincts ( and get stuck in a deplorable marriage/relationship haha ).

TVTestPattern · 2018-01-08T15:23:20+00:00

Perfectly normal for you to feel this way my dude.

I satisfy this desire by helping people who deserve my help. I have been volunteering at the children's hospital for years going room to room performing music for cancer kids.

I have also been performing at retirement homes for free for the elderly.

I have mentored and supported a number of young men over the years who were in difficult situations and needed help... doing that for a friend's grown son right now actually.

I have also tried, and failed miserably helping undeserving people... mostly women. (And a few men to be fair)

Lokeel · 2018-01-08T12:01:41+00:00

Honestly a man will never be able to fix a broken woman. It is in her nature to hide things from men to seem as appealing as possible. Also why would you join a shitty three legged race? The only thing it will do is slow you down. You neither have the time nor money to spare on broken goods.

As for the desires you have. I believe men have minds that make solutions. We feel good about ourselves when we find a solution to a problem. This should be a warning sign, because in your mind you already see the woman as a problem.

PantsInBed · 2018-01-08T13:21:27+00:00

Your desire to fix someone is typical white knight behavior. Typical captain save a hoe crap. Oftentimes the desire comes from a low sense of self worth, and believing you don't have anything to offer someone who is functioning. The desire to find someone weak to build them up and make them indebted to you is actually a power trip thing.

Deep down inside you think that saving a destroyed woman will make her blossom and appreciate you when she's a flower, but she won't. As soon as she gets on her feet she will monkey branch away from you to someone with higher worth, and you'll feel even worse about yourself and your value. Read up on Briffault's law. It's elementary redpill knowledge that what you've done for a female in the past is of no value at all to her in the present.

Being a people's mechanic will also attract some very destructive people into your life. People who will exploit you for every available resource you have, time, money, emotional strength etc. They will leech off of you like parasites and make you completely hollow and numb. These parasites can smell a willing victim from miles away and you won't realize what's going on until you're left empty.

Realize that 99.9 % of people who end up in the gutter got there by bad decisions, mental health problems or other dysfunctional traits. If you have respect for yourself, you should not want to have these people in your life, as their dysfunctional behavior will affect you too. It comes to a point where people have to take responsibility of their actions.

You'll never fix anyone with this mentality, you'll only destroy yourself.

PS: I'm not saying you shouldn't help people. But make sure you do it without any expectations of reciprocity and that the people you help want to help themselves. Don't go in and manage them, give them gentle pushes in the right direction or offer them opportunities. You shouldn't give them fish, just teach them how to catch one.

MagnusVeritas · 2018-01-08T14:56:49+00:00

Have you considered that you might be psychologically projecting?

Your desire to "fix" "broken" women, may in fact, represent your desire to "fix" your "broken" self. It's very often the case with self-appointed "helpers" and "healers". It's easier and much less painful to absolve the pain of another instead of your own. Until you resolve your pain, you're precariously vulnerable to abusive relationships.

The wars we fail to wage within, manifest externally through the circumstances of the people we chose to relate to.

Research low-cost psychotherapy or counselling. On the interim, your MGTOW brethren are here for you and support your journey.

TLDR: You're broken. You need to fix you. Your attempts to fix other broken people will break you further.

Title	Personal question
Author	buckscaldrip
Upvotes	17
Comments	24
Date	January 8, 2018 7:26 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/7owy77/personal_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/personal-question.610654 https://theredarchive.com/post/610654

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