I was recording a journal this morning and among my wandering thoughts I came to the realization that "laziness" is a trait that is sexually dimorphic.

At this point, you're probably thinking, "no shit, ancap-bio-dude, women are lazy. Tell me something I don't know."

This is not a new idea.

But what does it mean that humans have some level of sexual dimorphism as it relates to the division of labor?

Nothing new here (stop reading, save yourself some time). The less dimorphic a woman is (i.e. the less feminine the woman, or the uglier, more manly, butch, or whatnot), the more they have to work...

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/8128fi/daniel-tosh--happy-thoughts-you-are-a-troll

"Being an ugly woman is like being a man; you're going to have to work."

And the reverse is also true for androgynous dynamics (assuming an equalist utopia... ha, the leveling of house-husbands... Delightful).

However, I was thinking, "being a single mother is the hardest job in the world? Really? You get WIC, TANF, food stamps, free medical, child support, mommy-blogger circle-jerks, you get to play with children all day, when public school takes them you can get a part time job and get some extra cash... that sounds like the easiest job in the world. It's not like you have to defend your child against wolves with your bare hands and no help... Being a roughneck on an oil rig, or an engineer figuring out mind-bendingly-difficult problems, even a truck driver shitting in a plastic bag and peeing into a bottle to make a delivery, or being a coal miner; those sound like contestants for the hardest job in the world."

Then it hit me; the sexual dimorphism goes a lot deeper.

If you put a gun to my head and asked me to do things, I would hesitate; threats don't motivate me...

Yet... I know a lot of women who crave "constructive threats"... I knew a woman who had a Master's degree in organic chemistry and was horribly depressed and just wanted someone to spank her and tell her to get her shit together, and give her the rough-stuff.

I think of the women who love a Christian Grey ideal; a man that will micro-manage their lives into better lives:

External motivation.

Putting a gun to my head would not motivate me. External motivation does little for me. I have been beaten, conditioned, brainwashed, bred, told, taught, encouraged, ignored, pushed, pulled, evolved, and molded into a self-propelled slave morality. I'm very resourceful - useful.

I fucking love science - not that bullshit people call "science" (which is closer to the latest iPhone, or the results of "boring" scientific discoveries and difficult maths but not the science itself). I like things which most people find boring.

I exercise because I get a sick joy out of kicking my own ass: Being strong as opposed to being fat and lazy. I've internalized the abuse. I enjoy the sore strength (enjoyment does not equal moral "good", nor "bad", nor "evil). It is sick - but it makes me as healthy as a horse. I've accepted my fate.

I don't have two lumps of fat on my front-end, nor two lumps of fat on my back-end, nor fatty thighs... I am sexually dimorphic. If I ever wanted a beer, then I'd have to pay for it. Compared to the ideal woman, I'm the opposite compliment.

Countless generations of breeding resulted in a kind of built-in slave morality where I actually enjoy understanding the universe on a deep level; I have (next to me) Herman Cember and Thomas E. Johnson's Introduction to Health Physics - a textbook on radiation health science that I used in school that I'm using to try and develop a revolutionary new kind of microscope using Einstein's equivalence principle and the physics underlying Bremsstrahlung radiation.

Why?

Because aesthetics is ethics. Because it's fun.

I think it's beautiful. There's a survival element to understanding the world. I have no freewill and am a slave to my love of cosmic power (I am literally looking into bending cosmic rays which are notoriously difficult to "lens"). It is a boy and his microscope...

Women are only "beautiful" because of an "ethic" that says their dimorphism is a "good" thing (even instinctively).

It's biology. And like Esther Vilar wrote in The Manipulated Man; men have a will to be slaves and servants. Freedom scares most men. We've been bred for utility... like horses (did you know that, for primates, we have exceptionally large penises? Selection pressures drove us toward this outcome).

If you put a gun to my head - I would just look at you and ask you what the fuck you were trying to do. I was raised suicidal, unwanted. My parents (my mother more so) didn't want me, in school it was pretty obvious that I was unwanted, in the dating world as a teenager I was unwanted (I was a nerd/jock who didn't fit in, on the football and wrestling teams, and also science olympiad and debate; someone who played chess on the bus and lifted weights in the off-season... too nerdy for the cheerleaders, too much of a muscle-head for the nerd-girls) thoroughly rejected (on a fundamental level - my very nature was rejected. I had no female peers) by the many women I approached, I was unwanted out in the world, and society doesn't give a fuck about me.

Society doesn't really care if you die. I was on suicide watch a couple of times as a teen. I threatened my life with a steak knife as a 5-year-old little boy; for over a decade I was told to stop being such a whine-er, and man-the-fuck-up. I became very manly, indeed. Society still didn't give a fuck. Being suicidal is a function of men not being wanted by society, so the natural kill-switch kicks in and the "sacrifice yourself for the greater good" trait is expressed. "For the survival of the species, it's best if you stop taking up resources. You might die, but your tribe (and those shared genes in it) will survive. We will split your resources up accordingly, and your portion will feed many."

People say the world is "overpopulated". Implicit in that statement is that a number of people shouldn't be alive. Implicit in that statement is that "maybe it would be better if you killed yourself."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT_LQfli8SE

And it made me think about "farmer John" harvesting crops by hand. Along comes a combine harvester, and farmer John just gets in the way of higher crop yields. Life is easier for the women stuffing their faces with carbs, but an honest farmer's life is squeezed to the margins.

As society gets easier (agriculture, industry, technology, information, etc.) for women - it gets harder for men in inverse proportion, as far as the dimorphism separates them.

It is not enough to be strong - engines out-power you. It's not enough to be smart - computers out-think you. It is not enough to be protective - a machine can out-gun you.

For someone who was suicidal for so long, a gun to my head and a threat to behave would do little. Having Christian Grey spank me and tell me to exercise and eat right is superfluous. I am my own "master" (and "slave").

I don't advocate androgyny. I don't advocate Luddite revolt. I don't advocate societal collapse. I don't advocate suicide. I don't advocate wifeing-up the sluts. I don't advocate transexualism or castration (chemical or otherwise) as a way out. I don't advocate willing slavery. I don't advocate war or culling of the herd. I don't advocate manning-up. I don't advocate making things easier (weakness training) nor harder (strength training) for anyone.

I advocate going my own way - and only for myself.

I cannot shake my biological programming. Art is ethics; I find my pursuits beautiful. I have no desire for apotheosis with a feminine ideal (there is no feminine divine - it is an illusion of dopamine pathways).

My very nature has pushed me to an extreme of masculinity wherein my lust for power has made me see past the veil, and see humans as machines. There's no romance left in me. I only want to understand the jungle which extends into the stars. I want to be master of this jungle.

The risks associated with a man having children are greater the more there is sexual dimorphism (the greater the differential between men and women - the more there is to lose... as counter-intuitive that is to many people, being king of the jungle means that Damocles's sword hangs upon every branch). I would rather "clone" myself than reproduce (don't worry, I won't - it's illegal, even where you can buy a surrogate to carry the fetus. It is illegal through international law. I've checked. I won't use my knowledge of biochemistry to do anything "unethical"). The risks of having children in this world are too great. I'm not going to prison; not for missed natural-born child-support, and not for breaking international law with an artificial approach.

A barbaric society would put me to death (or we might be warlords), a wise society would put me to use. I live in neither.

"Farmer John, go kill yourself - you're in the way of the combine harvester," says society. They don't want me, and that's perfectly fine - that's their "choice" (assuming freewill exists in a universe with conservation of mass-energy, and it isn't some moral smoke-screen to arbitrarily place blame on "undesirables" with sententious/moral posturing via group cohesion or mob-rule).

I shall continue to go my own way. The disenfranchisement is a feature of the dimorphism. (Disenfranchisement?) The feminine out-number men in a democracy, which is also fine. I don't expect to be welcomed back into the fold any more than I expect women to turn into men, or gravity to reverse itself.

I am a monster - a beautiful monster.

The more "farmer John" displaces and obsoletes himself, the more the scales tip.

Humanity is not at equilibrium so long as the sun shines and the world turns. The giant heat engine continues to whir. I do not expect a return to the mean. Nicolas Léonard Sadi Carnot, had no idea how deep "Reflections On the Motive Power of Fire" truly was. Earth is like a giant steam engine. Gibbs and Maxwell know what I mean. The physics of humanity is far from equilibrium.

Perhaps this is a solution to the Fermi Paradox, and a variable of the Drake Equation; things tend toward their lowest energy state - humanity drifts toward laziness. We might entertain ourselves to death and the "best and most beautiful" (whatever that means) self-select themselves out of existence.

"Good, farmer John. Go your own way. And take your stupid microscope with you."

Isn't it fascinating that there is a conservation of angular momentum through Bremsstrahlung radiation of x-rays? Or that you can increase the mass of an object simply by accelerating it? Beautiful. Elegant. There is so much wisdom in the natural world. I won't give them the satisfaction of the loss of this much beauty. I want to live. I want to savor the exquisite strangeness, elegance, beauty/ugliness, and madness of it all.

Does the sexual dimorphism extend to this, as well?