Went grocery shopping. I would smile when crossing paths so as not to be stone-faced, but I kept my headphones on. I was walking down an aisle for hot/cold cereal when a woman, who was around 5 ft with a cart, waved her hands in front of my face. When I looked, she offered a big smile, I smiled back and hit pause instinctively. She asked me if I could reach for some specific cereal at the top shelf she couldn't get to. I instantly and noticeably hesitated, and she repeated herself, still with a smile, but now more one of discomfort. I then removed my silent headphones and acted like I didn't hear what she said. I then reached for the cereal and placed it in her cart with a smile.

"Don't wish to be a bother. Thank you."

"No worries."

Here's the thing, I just recently took the red pill, became MGTOW, the whole nine yards, and am fairly young. As I walked away from that encounter I became so incredibly enraged at myself simply for getting cereal for a shorter woman. For an instant, my entire being heavily suggested I simply walk away. The self-directed anger was frightening for as simple a trigger as a woman asking for a small favor. I realize that this is insane, but I distinctly remember being in a somewhat neutral state that day until that happened and it set me off. I was so angry, even when I woke up the next day, the first felt sensation was a heavy chest and wrath. It took a bit of aimless driving and a workout to bring myself to a less animated state. Again, this isn't normal or healthy, and I get that. It was so concentrated and potent and this frightens me, which is why I'm sharing. I hope I can get out of the rage phase by my mid twenties. Hard to blend in like this.

EDIT: I'm just in a place of lashing out aimlessly at this point. Have serious difficulty just watching TV. I realize that helping this lady did not have to be so rage-inducing, but this kind of shift in a paradigm cannot be expected to be so easily digested by all. I simply cannot dissociate what is trivial from what isn't sometimes and for whatever reason, this was one of such moments. My mind does, but my emotions make it very difficult at times. A near 'serious overdose' might be the phrase here, and I'm sure someone out there may have experienced something like this, even though it would likely not be as extreme.

Non Serviam