Last night I had the opportunity to engage in some naturalistic observation of gendered behaviours at a local pub. My observations centred on three separate duos. The first was a pair of young women who looked to be in their early twenties, the second was a pair of women who looked to be in their early thirties, and the third was a pair of men who looked to be in their late fifties. The discrepancy in behaviour was remarkable between the three groups. The girls in their twenties were of the ‘All Dressed-Up, Nowhere To Go’ (ADUNTG) variety. This is a phenomenon I have explained elsewhere which describes those women who dress up well in public places, such as pubs and clubs, but choose to sit on their phones the whole time. These women prevent themselves from meeting new people or having new experiences. Psychologically, they have ‘nowhere to go’, as they are completely disconnected from the world around them. The two women I observed were sitting with their boyfriends on the night. The boyfriends appeared to be enjoying themselves, and were avidly talking to one another, while their girlfriends were completely disconnected from their surroundings. They were typing away vigorously on their phones, neglecting each other and their boyfriends, and were even ignoring their drinks.

The second group of women were sitting right next to us, and appeared to be in their early thirties. They came to sit near us after what seemed to be a very one-sided argument between one of the women and her husband. As they came over I immediately realized they were going to disturb the piece. The woman who had been in the argument was ranting to her friend about how “selfish” and “useless” her husband was, and how he “never listens” to her, and what she wants. As is the case with many female duos, this woman was very loud and obnoxious, whilst her friend was largely a passive listener; interjecting occasionally with affirmations that provided a source of narcissistic supply for her toxic friend. From what I could gather, the woman was annoyed because her husband wanted to talk to his friends instead of her (not particularly unreasonable in my opinion).

The third group consisted of a pair of middle-aged men who were sitting quietly over a beer, sharing stories in a respectful, friendly manner. They had clearly been drinking far more than the obnoxious woman next to me, yet did not show the slightest bit of malice or aggression. On this night in particular there was a shortage of chairs, so one of the men was kneeling down on the floor and leaning in close to his friend so that they could hear each other over the obnoxious woman’s excessive complaining.

All-in-all we have a pair of young women who are completely detached, a pair of married women who are incessantly complaining about their husbands, and a pair of friendly, respectful men who are enjoying a quiet night sharing stories and bonding over a beer. I found myself asking “Who would I want to talk to the most?” and the answer was as clear as day.