TL:DR: https://www.facebook.com/notes/neil-degrasse-tyson/on-being-accused/10156870826326613/

Is anyone else seriously worrying that things are going too far?

I am a law-abiding citizen and I don't condone any act that breaks the law, any law; and I am all about only engaging in sexual activities only with the explicit consent of all parties involved.

I believe that sexual harassment is wrong, and the principle of "don't shit where you eat" is a good one for everyone to follow.

The present situation with Neil deGrasse Tyson has got me thinking and thinking hard.

We have a successful and high profile male who is being tried in the media for 3 accusations:

  1. an ex-girlfriend claims that in the early 1980's, so about 35 years ago, he raped her. And "according to her blog posts, the drug and rape allegation comes from an assumption of what happened to her during a night that she cannot remember."
  2. in 2009 a woman accuses him of searching for Pluto under the straps of her sleeveless dress.
  3. 2018: a woman in his staff offers a hug, and he replies “If I hug you I might just want more."

Let's look at the facts: #1 is an accusation, and thefore, for now, falls under the "innocent until proven guilty". As simple as that.

I do believe that behavior #2 and #3 are inappropriate. Really. No halfway around it.

We are a civil society, the punishment should fit the crime. What is the proper punishment for Neil for #2 and #3? Lose everything he has worked so hard to build with his career? How much money will this cost him his family? I wonder what honestly his wife and 2 kids think about the price that they are paying for this.

And, there is also a trickle-down effect.

In 2006 I was working at a small company, about 16 people. Things were not going well with the business, so we were struggling financially, everyone was stressed.

One day the COO gives his resignations, he had got a new job and recently there was tension between him and the CEO. We all liked that guy, so it was sad to see him leave.

There was a woman who managed the Tech Support department who was on probation due to her frequently coming in late without notice, absenteeism with no notice, poor performance etc. The COO was your classic Blue Pill who had hired her (single mom) and was protecting her. So, he gives his notice and the first thing he does he has a meeting with his staff. He tells them all that he has resigned and that for the next 2 week they will all be busy with the transition and the search since 2-week won't be enough to find a replacement and the CEO would take over.

At the end of the meeting, he asks the manager of support to stay. Everyone leaves and they have a brief meeting (1-2 minutes) in the conference room, all glass, with the door closed.

Here he tells her that he won't be able to protect her anymore, that she needs to shape up, arrive on time, leave on time, not miss days; and if she must do so she must inform the office beforehand, and not just show up; otherwise, she will surely get fired. And at the end of this conversation, he gives her a friendly pat on her top left shoulder with his right hand.

Relevant to the facts: the reason why she was late absentee was because she liked to go out and get drunk and hook up with African American guys (she was Caucasian); we know this because she would brag about this at work with her female co-workers in a loud voice for everyone to hear.

The meeting ends, the COO goes to his office.

A few minutes later he gets called into the CEO office, there he finds the CEO, the HR manager and the IT manager. That was not too unusual, the conversation starts by talking about the Support Manager somewhat casually, and then the conversation goes to his meeting with the Support Manager and he admits to giving her a pat on her top left shoulder with his right hand.

"He touched her"

And because of this, he was terminated on the spot, for cause. Right there and then.

The Support Manager claimed that she could not longer work in that histile environment and lawyered up quickly; the company continued to pay her salary during the negotiations with the lawyers, it all settled with:

  • the company continued to pay her salary till she found new employment, about 2.5 years
  • the company would always give her a glorious review
  • the company paid for an outplacement company to help her find a new job
  • $50,000 settlement, one-time payment

How do I know all of this? I was the IT manager who got called into the office to be a witness.

And this was in 2009. Things have evolved ever since. Anyone of us who has had intercourse with someone, or that has held a somewhat high visibility position can be called at any point in time to respond to accusations of misconduct, and we will have to defend ourselves in civil court, and - possibly - from criminal proceeds; destroying our career and our finances; and therefore our lives.

I am worried now, more so than I have ever been, and I have not done anything wrong.

Going forward I am going to take my GMOW up a notch or two. But I am also seriously considering being more active, somehow, in this war: because it is war, we as men, are being attacked as a whole, for the sins of a few individuals. Yes, some men have done reprehensible acts and they should be punished for those actions. But not all men are like that. I am not. And we are going too far. We need to concentrate on fair judgment and due process for everyone. We are a civil society after all.