Let's keep them in a comedic tone.

Im 5'7 stocky, pale skin, grey eyes, curly hair. I really wanted to get back together with a girl that dumped me and we were talk about get back with each other, freshmen year of high school. We met up at our home coming dance and I can tell she was DRUNK, we shared a dance and then I said ill be right back I had to use the bathroom. I get back and i say," what the hell are you doing?" She was making out with this skinny 6'0 black guy with dreads and she says," omg I swear it was you!"

FML LOLZ