Not sure how to develop amidst cold passivity

BertTheWelder · 2019-06-26T06:02:09+00:00

Accepting reality as it is is H A R D. Hard.

Women and men often have competing and exclusive goals.

I’m a people pleaser. I like to make people happy. Friends, women, whatever. I like being kind and generous. Many people do not like that.

What I am coming to accept is that I need to find happiness from within. From me. No one else will make me happy. No one else cares to do so.

chalchium · 2019-06-26T06:25:42+00:00

This hits home.

Especially in big cities, people seems so estranged. If you are not in any higher-up position with power, or the super chad with a girl waiting for you at each corner, don't expect much warm fuzzes from people. It is not people are cold, but more realistic. Socializing with you yields no tangible benefits, why not staying at home and binge watch Netflix?

Think about it. Why would anyone socialize for the sake of socialize nowadays? Weekend if you go out, everywhere is packed with people and long queues. Everything you do costs money. Playing bowling, pool or just eat food or hell if you drive, things are expensive in big cities. The only reason anyone would put up with this is either: A. sponsored by your company B. Family business. You have to entertain someone of your relatives. C. The person can help you in the future for something, or at least not to stop you from achieving something. The comfort of home is much greater.

It is part of the growing up. You are no longer that high school asshole who went out after school and did stupid shit with other assholes for no reason other than it was fun for a laugh.

notjaysmith · 2019-06-26T10:48:36+00:00

Hey, i am like you, just a bit older(28). The Thing is, that not everybody accept the world as it is and almost in all cases These People are not accepted by those who accept this world as it is. The Thing with People bonding with other People is that when one has got nothing in common with an other, it takes a lot of humanity in that Person to hang out with the one being different than him. Friends hang out with you becauce you got similar interests with them, or they find you interesting and fun or you have a past with them and you all cannot just Forget it and stop being friends. Parents love you because you are their kid. If you were a child of somebody else, they would not love you as much, if at all. Your GF is with you because you are a male that inspires and motivates her to be with. Have you been a different male, even with the same Looks, she might have not hanged out with you. And yes, you are not alone in this Claim, that there are less and less People who are genuinely compassionate and will mutually attach to you. For example, i got not any friends at all, like in the common sense of that word. The only friends i got now are situative friends. Basically any friendship of mine has got an Inspiration date. There always come a time where the friendship has nothing to offer to me and it becomes boring and unnecessary. Sure i got some friend which i know for the past almost 20 years. You see, i hate to say it, and i feel you, but i cannot give you, myself or any other who feels like you and me, a better advise than just deal with it. Some would say to us to man up, but that is actually not entirely wrong. As men, we should learn to live in solitude. It is better to be alone and experience lonilness than be with People and still be lonely. What i can say that we all could do is to bother ourselves with something we find meaningful and that will bring fruits in the future, that way, we will be able to distract ourselves from thinking about it all. I, for example, go hiking, Swimming, and ride my bike. Reading cognitive books is good, but you risk start thinking about it all being the way it is

30203forever · 2019-06-26T13:09:36+00:00

The majority of people are NPCs no different from robots & do not deserve your attention so don't give it to them. But you have no control over them and have full control about yourself so make some short and long term achievable goals and stick to them. I found FIRE a worthy goal and very achievable if you stay single. Can quit my job now if I choose. That's what gives me satisfaction nowadays while watching those NPCs running around talking about meaningless shit while bitching about never having any money. They're neither here or there for me & should be the same for you, IMHO. Good luck!

Hodgekin · 2019-06-28T15:39:08+00:00

I'm currently 29. Not much older than you but I've come to understand more about life after working on my own for 6 years and looking up many videos about life.

When I was 24, I just started working on my own. I was an angry person. I was kind, but avoidant. I was a bitter person without understanding why I was bitter. I didn't like my parents much at the time. I spent most of my free time playing games online. I had no goals. I also hated myself.

What I've learned about myself over the past 5-6 years has really opened my eyes. And using what I learnt, I applied it to other people broken situations and started to piece together why they are the way they are.

I'll give you a rundown on what I've discovered and see if it can apply to your life and those around you.

You're childhood will affect your adult hood.

At an early age, people learn about what is love and how to love from their earliest care giver, their parents. Children who are neglected, abused and sexually assaulted at a young age will develop coping behaviors to avoid such trauma. A child that is neglected by their parents might try to solve this issue by first asking nicely if their parents can give them love and affection. If this fail, the child then resorts to more negative behavior such as throwing tantrums or misbehaving. At this point, the parents gives the child attention, even though it's negative attention, it's still something the child yearns for. As they grow older, their attention seeking strategy is now ingrained in them. When they seek affection from their partner, they may subconsciously act up in a negative way, such as yelling or throwing objects when they feel neglected.

Another example is when a child is neglected, they will have attachment issues. Attachment theory states that children who do not form strong attachment with their parents, will have issues forming attachments to their lovers in the future.

Strong father is critical for children to learn empathy.

I've was watching a video about this one, I cannot confirm their sources but basically...

Father set boundary for their kids. These rules helps a child to learn that their own perspective is not the only perspective in the world, and they try to understand their parent's perspective. This builds empathy in the child. They said in a study conducted on university students showed that there was a 30% drop in empathy from XXXX year (no clue). Then they stated another study showing that fatherless families were on the rise by 30% from XXXX year. Of course correlation does not mean causation but it's interesting to think about.

From your post, it sounds like you have no issue with forming connections with other people. Maybe examine your own childhood and your current feelings towards your parents. If I were to guess, I would say you have a strong/good relationship with your parents and a good childhood. If my guess is correct, read 4).
We don't know what we don't see.

Like a fish that lived in water their whole life, they don't understand what air is. For myself, I've had a neglectful childhood, so I didn't understand what love or relationship was. As for you, you may have lived in a loving family, so you may not understand why people are cold/distant. It just doesn't make sense until you understand the root cause of it.

To love is to compromise, to negotiate and to respect.

I'm now a much happier person. I'm less angry, if anything, not at all. I'm still learning to love myself but it's difficult. I've talked with my parents about these issues, my dad is more understanding than my mom. I'm more productive, I play less games. I gotta go now but I hope that you found that interesting to read.

Title	Not sure how to develop amidst cold passivity
Author	justlostinlifeman
Upvotes	3
Comments	7
Date	June 26, 2019 5:21 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/c5lppi/not_sure_how_to_develop_amidst_cold_passivity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/not-sure-how-to-develop-amidst-cold-passivity.813045 https://theredarchive.com/post/813045

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