Hi. I’m 18 and graduated from high school and I’m continuing my eduction at a community college. I recently recovered from a decade long series of OCD and anxiety episodes that made my life a little less fun. But, during those years I’ve buried a lot of emotions which are now starting to express themselves over those years. About a year ago, I learned that I actually have aspergers which shed light on a couple things from my past. That being said, I’ve also decided to go MGTOW after realizing the shit show that is relationships and marriage in the modern era. However, before I’m starting to remember that I had my own personal “Incel” phase. During my time in high school, when anxiety was pretty bad due to OCD, I remember how I wished there was more to life. I constantly wanted to experience more and worried if I was missing out on something that everyone had. I already kinda know that’s bullshit now, but as a side affect wanting a girlfriend also sorta made its way into my mind. The story is actually pretty sad, I’ve been in at least two lobe triangles and one other person who I was really into. The sad part is, all three were interested in me until they saw something in me that warned them off, and that hurts. That hole in my heart isn’t full, just buried under all that distraction caused by anxiety. Now here’s the thing, I consciously don’t want a GF, but my heart does. It’s kinda weird, I know the risks of being with someone today but that hole that wasn’t filled still is trying to express itself, and it doesn’t help that I have sexual urges, and I think this conflict between the to is causing unwanted stress. My therapist really wants me to get a GF but I really wish he would help me try to deal with the urges that causes those feelings rather than tell me to do something dangerous that he’s unaware of the risks. I need some help. To some extant, I think the main issue inside of me is loneliness and that longing for something special that due to circumstances I never got. I’m not an incel and don’t hate women, I’m just a youngster who needs help and advice on what to do. I think deep deep down there’s something that needs fixed and I bet it’s my loneliness. I just need help and I trust this crowd the most... thx.