Interesting realization today.

I'm being offered a promotion today. Mixed feelings on the matter. Sure it pays a little more, but I lose out on access to a gym for lifting at lunch, biking to work would no longer be possible =$ for bus and although pay is slightly higher, I will lose certain skillsets, not to mention shift work (yuck).

My first thought was to call the wife. This was great news to share, but then I realized I'm not likely to accept the job. Further thought had me realize that calling her would be an act of validation. "Hey honey! Look at how awesome I am! Aren't I awesome?! Please tell me I'm awesome!"

I was also torn on the decision at first, despite already understanding deep inside, wha the best choice was, given all the variables. I wanted to call her, so she could reassure me. Nurture my decision. Soften the internal discord.

I've been at this unplugging shit for over a year now, and I know for certain I'd have jumped on that phone for her comfort and validation immediately, only six months ago. Maybe less.

Sure, I'll fill her in. She is my first officer after all. But only so that she is consulted with. And who knows, she may have information to offer that might help me with the final decision(shrug). Point is, this job offer helped me realize a small shift in my mentality and perspective.

This is the first time that I really feel alone. As a separate entity from my wife. Sure, losing the Disney spell kinda hurts, but the void is filling with a reassuring sense of autonomy and self reliance.