TLDR: It works. Had sex with wife twice in two days, included looking at porn together.

 

After my wife declared that she wanted a divorce, I kept my head about me. We had a talk, and then I just went to work on me.

 

Ive been hitting the gym with regularity (3x a week if I can make it) along with eating right. I'm seeing results and I'm down between 10-15 lbs. I've been taking command of the ship FrozenSoil and Mrs. Soil is following suit. I'm to the point where even my MIL has mentioned that I look good.

 

I'm in charge of the bill paying and finances, I'm making meal plans (which I "suggested we implement"), I'm eating right and pushing for her to do the same. I deal with shit-tests as well as I can if I, although I'll admit sometimes they creep up and I don't see them. I try to use a variety of responses if I can manage it, and depending on my mood and situation.

 

Some of the biggest hurdles I've had to overcome has been being OI. As little as a week ago I slipped into a bit of a BP rut. I was upset that we hadn't had sex in a month. We had sex 3 times in 5 days when she was ovulating and then nothing. I started to get bitter and thing the same thoughts I had before. As I got angry one day, I realized (again) that the problem wasn't her, it was me. I wasn't being assertive with what I wanted, when I wanted sex, and then I was taking it out on her.

 

I'd make a move that I wanted sex and as soon as she would make a couple negative comments or try and make excuses, I'd stop, and be OI. I'd realized that trying to put the moves on at the wrong time would get me a no (like when she was basically falling asleep), so I had to start sooner. I also realized that I couldn't take a "I don't want to" or "stop" as "No." As a step for myself, I told her that if she says "no" I'll stop, and thats fine. She never said "no". AWALT. She shit-tested me, put up her defenses to see if I was going to be alpha enough to push through. When I did, it was easy, and this was before she had to go to work.

 

I'm actually leading the family, I'm enjoying the challenge and it seems my wife loves it too. The "hierarchy of love" was a great read for me. It really helped me understand the relationship I had with my wife.

     

This has already turned into a bit of a ramble, but it just seems to work. The only dread thats been needed has been passive, and the only reason I didn't have sex is because I was in my own way.

Long story short, Thanks fellas, and happy 4th.