Did they delete my comment?

This is my first time posting. I don't know why I'm reaching out, but I have to know if anyone knows what I'm feeling or if I'm alone and overreacting. Sorry in advance for formatting; I'm on mobile.

I'm a 29 y/o female, my husband is a 32 y/o male. We met about 10 years ago and have been happily married since 2012. We have a healthy sexual relationship, and a very healthy marriage overall.

We discussed that I am very attracted to females, something my conservative upbringing was very much against. I am the black sheep of the family, and am open to (and excited for) experimentation. My husband and I have been talking about possibly doing a swingers club, just so I could experience the love of a woman and stretch my sexual wings. I have expressed my wanting to experiment on multiple occasions, and we have talked about the possibilities together for quite some time.

I told him my biggest fear was if I was just fully clothed, next to someone else, I don't want them just lifting up my skirt and going at it, even if these individuals were there for what's under my skirt and nothing else.

My husband's response was, "That would be rape. And that's fucked up."

His reaction sparked something.

I suddenly remembered being 18, spooning on my parent's couch with a boy I was very, very infatuated with. I was fully clothed, but I was wearing a pleated skirt and thong underwear. Yes, we made out a little early on, but I really wanted to watch this movie, so we stopped fooling around and started watching the movie.

About halfway through the film, well after the aforementioned foolery and way after I made it clear I wanted to finish the movie, he lifted up my skirt, pulled my underwear to the side, and penetrated me. And finished.

I wasn't a virgin. I'd slept with my longtime boyfriend before, but we'd recently broken up and I had just started seeing this person. I had just introduced him to my parents.

I was shocked, uncertain, and almost humiliated because I just laid there and let him do it. But again, I really liked this guy, and thought this was part of maintaining his attention and making sure we could continue to hang out. After all, I WAS laying next to him in easily accessible clothing, we HAD been making out before...what the fuck did I expect was going to happen? My self esteem was not...great at the time.

When my husband pointed out that this was non-consensual sexual contact, I broke down. I never knew this bothered me for so long, and even affects me day to day. I don't like thinking that I'm just another statistic, especially because I was a legal age and the encounter wasn't violent. There are so many people who have experienced worse.

The encounter happened 11 years ago. My husband and I had this conversation 3 days ago. I've been reliving that night when I was 18 ceaselessly since, realizing what that man did to me was wrong. I don't know how to feel, or how to get over it, or what to do from here.

Anyway, thanks for reading my vent.

TL;DR: I didn't realize what happened to me so long ago wasn't my fault, and now I don't know how to move forward