Leonardo DiCaprio hit the headlines because he dates women between 18 and 24, and everyone online goes apeshit about it. I often see feminists go insane about men dating younger women. The problem is, people often complain when the gap isn't that big. I'll see 18-21 year old women date guys 4 to 5 years older and even THAT'S controversial. So I decided to a bit of research on how bad age gaps could actually get and I wanna debunk some myths:

Age gaps are not linked to abuse or rape.

I've seen people cite some statistics that show that age gaps are linked to intimate partner homicide, but this doesn't show the full picture. There was a link, but mostly if he was 16+ years older (especially 16-20 years instead of 21+), but they also found that the likelihood increased with an older woman and a younger man (more and more the older she was compared to him). So this doesn't mean there's a risk if she's 18 and he's 25 (which is already a controversial age gap). Here's the issue: it wasn't always the older person who kills. When an age gap happened, it increased the likelihood of a younger man killing his older wife, a younger women killing her older husband, an older woman killing her younger husband, and an older man killing his younger wife. Also, according to the chart below, many times when an age gap homicide happens, the younger person commits the killing, especially with the biggest age gaps.

Yes, young people can abuse older people in relationships, too.

Nonetheless, there is no link between age gaps and nonfatal domestic violence. It wasn't even linked to verbal abuse, either. The problem is, over 99.9% of couples won't involve homicides, including 99% of domestic violence couples. A considerable percent of couples have domestic abuse. Although age gaps might have an increased risk of homicide, they aren't more likely to have nonfatal domestic abuse. It is true that younger adults are more likely to be victims of domestic violence, but this is simply because they are more likely to commit domestic abuse, too. The reason isn't because older people can't be messed with, but because people become less violent as they get older. In fact, if age gap violence does happen, it could be many times, the younger one is the abuser. Besides, most domestic violence is usually mutually violent (contrary to the myth that it's always man-against-woman).

Additionally, there's no link between age gaps and sexual violence. It is true that young women ages 15-24 are the most likely to be victims of rape, but this doesn't show the full picture. First, people that age in general are more likely to be victims of any crime. Elders are the least likely. It is true that older rapists also have young women as victims, but this is simply because as men get older, they still find young women the most physically attractive. It's not because it's harder to rape a 40 year old or something (he could easily do that if he wanted to). They might not necessarily prefer young women for romantic relationships, but they will find them the most sexually attractive. This is evidenced by the fact that robbers who rape their female victims have younger victims than robbers who rob women but don't rape them. Contrary to popular belief, rape isn't about power over women, and most evidence shows it often is about sexual gratification. Nonetheless, although older rapists also have many young victims, this doesn't mean age gaps are linked to rape. Statistics show that when women experienced their first sexual intercourse at age 18 or 19+, women that age who had sex with an older partner more than a couple years older were not at an increased risk of unwanted sex. This was only found to be disproportionately common for girls under 18 with an older partner.

We shouldn't dismiss age gaps because they have more homicides since less than 1% of couples, even domestic violence couples, involve homicide yet age gaps aren't linked to nonfatal domestic abuse or rape. Hell, same-sex couples have a very high intimate partner homicide rate actually. This is true in the USA and even Australia. Should we not let them date? Interracial couples also have higher domestic violence rates and even higher intimate partner homicide rates. Is it wrong for them to date?

Young adult men are disproportionately rapists, not older men.

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 43 to 51% of rapists are 30 or older, compared to 61% of all Americans. 12 to 15% of rapists are under 18, with them mostly being 12 to 17, despite being 7.6% of the population in America. According to some Census Bureau where they show how many Americans are over 21 vs over 18, I calculated that 4.35% of Americans are 18-20 years old, but they comprise 9 to 11% of rapists. People in their 20s are 13.23% of Americans, but 25 to 28% of rapists. Also, 18-29 year olds are about 16% of Americans, but 33 to 39% of rapists. When looking at college women who get raped, statistics found that somewhat below half of college women who get raped are raped by someone who isn't even part of the college (neither a student nor staff) (see Figure 27) and it often happens off-campus. BJS found that among 18-24 year old women who are raped, 17% of ones in college and 13% of ones not enrolled in college were raped by an 18-20 year old (but 18-20 year olds are 4.35% of Americans). 51% and 53% of the rapists of college-enrolled women that age and non-enrolled women that age were 21 to 29 year old offenders, despite people in their 20s being 13.23% of the population. People over 30 are 61% of Americans, but 23% of rapists against 18-24 year olds.

Age gaps don't inherently cause divorce.

A lot of people argue age gaps won't work out and say that they'll break up or divorce. There is evidence that age gap marriages divorce more and that the higher the gap, the higher risk of divorce, but it's actually not the age gap that inherently causes it. It turns out, the reason age gap couples break up more is because many age gap couples experience social stigma from people they know, which causes them to break up. When they didn't experience such social stigma from people they knew, they were no longer more likely to break up. In fact, they had more commitment/satisfaction, more trust, and less jealousy than age-similar couples did. In fact, a lot of evidence shows interracial couples had higher divorce rates, particularly for men of color (especially black men or Asian men) marrying white women. This was because of the stigma against interracial marriage rather than interracial marriage itself, with men of color (especially black men) marrying white women being the most stigmatized.

Men who date younger women usually do date their age, too.

Many people think if a man dates a younger woman, he is some "loser" who no woman his age wanted or is specifically looking for younger women. This is false. According to Ipsos, 25% of men and 14% of women have dated someone 10+ years younger and 21% of men and 28% of women have dated someone 10+ years older. If you're gonna suggest 25% of men never dated someone their age, you're absurd. In fact, men who date younger women often do date their age. They dated a young woman because they're simply more open about what age they can date. According to OkCupid data, many men even in their mid-late 20s were willing to date early 20s and even men in their 30s were willing to date a decade younger. They still were willing to date a few years older than themselves, too. But when it comes to who they actually message, they often do message very young women, their age or somewhat older women. Even 30 year old men messaged 18 year old women as much as women their age. Yeah I know, there are guys who say shit like "I'm 24 and I can't even date 20 year olds", but those guys are just conforming to social norms because even a 4 year difference is controversial.

In conclusion, men who date younger women usually are willing to date their age or even perhaps somewhat older. They're just more open-minded. There are men who exclusively date younger women but they're the minority of these men.

If a man does prefer younger women, it's not for malicious reasons all the time, nor is there proof for this.

When men do prefer a younger woman however, it's not because of just merely looks nor is it because they want to harm someone. Many feminists argue that men dating younger women is "socialized" and has nothing to do with evolution, such as in this dumb article. The problem is, she says it can't be due to young women being fertile because men chasing young women since the Stone Age was found to be why women hit menopause later on but men don't have menopause. She also argues that because 40 year old men are less fertile, it takes 2 years for them to impregnate a woman at peak age fertility (early 20s) and thus men can't be attracted to young women's fertility if women aren't attracted to young men. The problem with her pathetic argument is that even if menopause wasn't always a thing in women but exists because men chased young women historically preventing older women from breeding, this doesn't prove anything.

First, women's reproductive value (i.e.: how many reproductive years she has left) peaks when she's young, and although most people did live up to old age in ancient times (they didn't actually die early), surviving diseases and other problems was harder, so a woman's mortality risk skyrockets with age, and she can only get pregnant with usually one person at a time and 9 months each pregnancy, so she had to have children as much as possible when she's young and had low mortality risk. As a result, when she's older and produced enough kids to populate Earth, she already is at an age where she bred most of her kids, and thus, doesn't need to be attracted to young, fertile men. Men can impregnate many women easily and it takes just one sex incident, but because of women's more limited reproductive capacity, he needs to stay attracted to young women. A 40 year old man, despite having lower fertility, who has sex with many women could still impregnate some of them (thus can produce way more kids than a woman can in her lifetime), and the more he has sex with just one, the higher likelihood she's get pregnant, so if a woman his age would take longer for a pregnancy, it's best for him to breed with a young woman. Older men can still reproduce more easily than older women, and men who breed late can breed much more kids than women who breed late, so older women don't need to be attracted to young men as much whereas men have to breed with young women (it's not like young men won't breed with her, too anyways). Besides, although men stay most physically attracted to women in their early 20s with age, when women are over 35, they find men a few years younger the most physically attractive, even when she's 50 (and men's fertility doesn't really drop that much until he's about 45. As a result, up until she's at an age where she's bred enough, she's still attracted to decently fertile men. This is evidenced by the fact that older women prefer men their age or younger rather than older for casual sex but not for relationships, where they prefer their age or older.

The feminist in that article cites a cross-cultural study that shows that in more egalitarian countries, men's preference for younger women vs women's preference for older men was smaller, but smaller doesn't mean gone. Also, correlations between the sex differences in preference for physical attractiveness in mates and indexes of gender equality between countries were low and nonsignificant. She just swept that under the rug. It could be that men and women in more egalitarian countries have less preference for younger or older partners, respectively, but they still do have the preference. They are just more likely in those countries to still give people their age a chance. It is true that Western, more progressive countries have less age gaps, but this is because those countries are more individualistic and thus more age-segregated. People there will just come in contact with people their age more, and lack access to people outside their age. It's not simply because women don't need to rely on male breadwinners anymore. Nonetheless, men and women's preference respectively for young and older partners being smaller doesn't mean it's non-existent. Even in egalitarian countries like Norway and Finland, men still had a preference for women their age or younger and women still preferred men their age or older. People there are just more likely to give their age a chance because women there don't need to rely on breadwinners as much (but still might to an extent) and because those countries are age-segregated, leading to people have mostly access to their age.

It's simple: older men do prefer younger women for a relationship. He might not prefer a 20 year old at 45, but he might prefer a 30 year old for a relationship at 45 but prefer a woman under 30 for casual sex or sexual fantasies. This is evidenced by the fact that as men get older, their preferred age range for a girlfriend/wife drops lower than their own age and their preferred age preference for casual sex is probably for even younger women. Some of the middle aged men in this study might pick younger than 25 or something for casual sex (but not marriage) if it wasn't for social desirability bias. He's not motivated by patriarchy, given that gay men also are attracted physically more to young men but lesbians are not to young women. Straight women preferred men their age or older even as they got older, and lesbians did too except for when they hit their 40s and older, that's when they preferred around their age to a few years younger. Even gay men preferred younger men more and more as they got older. In long-term relationships, older men might prefer a woman who is younger but not necessarily a 20 year old. He might be 40 and prefer late 20s/early 30s, but will prefer younger for a hookup. Women prefer men their age or older for relationships regardless of age, but once she's older, she'll prefer her age or younger when it comes to casual sex, probably because men value reproductive value and women value wealth but for casual sex, they value at least a decent amount of fertility. In less traditional countries, men might be with women their age due to more age segregation in those countries. They don't have opportunities with younger women unless they're rich, which is why high status men are more likely to marry younger women than low status men. Men are just hardwired for younger women. If men simply wanted young women so they could harm someone, then age gaps would have high rape/domestic violence rates, which they don't (they only have high domestic homicide rates, but only below 1% of age gaps involve homicide).

Even in a sample of Finnish people, an egalitarian country, men had a wide age range of what age they'd consider having sex with, which included a maximum of women in their later 40s and women in their late teens/early 20s. This was also true for gay/bisexual men. Straight women preferred somewhat younger to a decade older, but bisexual/lesbian women picked much younger to much older. They usually had sex with people near their age, probably due to age segregation in Finland. This reinforces my point that men who date younger women probably have dated their age, and that men who date their age just have access more to people their age rather than preferring only their age.

https://preview.redd.it/10zpgw01j6ha1.png?width=1129&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=2c4229fe538592e94af0d9c0cbffff4e2faa7f43

It makes no sense to assume men date younger women because "they're losers who no woman their age wanted". The only reason people assume he can't find someone his age is because men who struggle to attract women are stigmatized, and people think younger women would want date him just because he's older (even though she'd probably reject him as "too old"). So people assume he's undesirable to women his age to make him easier to ridicule. It makes no sense that it would be because he can't find someone his age. Women's standards are lower when they're older, and high status men (who attract many women) date younger women more than low status men (because young women won't date much older men unless they're rich). Besides, unless you're rich, most younger women would reject you as "too old" (I've seen women ages 18-21 reject a guy for being just 4/5 years older), so resorting to them if women your age won't date you is ineffective. People also assume that men who date underage teens couldn't find someone their age. Not really. Hell, many online predators you see on video tend to be in a relationship with someone their age. In fact, men who do pursue underage girls typically are just opportunists, not rejects never desired by people their age.

Young women aren't necessarily easy to manipulate, nor do they have "daddy issues".

People keep whining about how 18/19 year olds are "teenagers". The problem is, technically they're a teen, but they're really just a young adult. The word teenager wasn't even coined until the mid-20th century, and it's mostly used for 13-17 year olds (i.e.: adolescents). Aside from a mere suffix in their age title, what association do 18/19 year olds have with adolescents? They're in the same age group as people in their early-mid 20s (young adults). The suffixes of their age titles don't change that. Funny how when a 19 year old dates a 15 year old, they're an adult pedophile, but if they date someone even just 5 years older, they're a "teenager" or a "young girl". They're neither children nor adolescents. Calling them that is just sexist, ageist and insulting. Even a 15 year old is just an adolescent, not a child. The words "minor" and "child" weren't used synonymously until the 20th century. A study found no link between "daddy issues" and women dating older men.

People also argue the prefrontal cortex isn't developed until age 25. This is a myth. The original researchers who investigated this said they never even said it was 25 and are unsure where that number is from. They even said it varies from each individual. Some 20 year olds have more developed brains than some 30 year olds, and there's many parts of the brain structure that determine how we act/think that still develop throughout the lifespan, even at 90. Also, many of these studies look at participants from 21st century Western countries, where people grow up slower. People grew up quicker back in the day. Robert Epstein, who wrote The Case Against Adolescence, says the reason young people are irresponsible or "immature" is not because of their brain, but because for the past century, we've not allowed them to have adult responsibilities and extend childhood to 18 and adolescence to 25. Much evidence shows that even teens were less reckless and more responsible in societies where they were allowed adult responsibilities at their age. By 16/17, we finish puberty, so we're hardwired to have adult responsibilities, and being denied that leads to them engaging in risks to achieve that goal. He concludes infantilization of young people caused their brains to be underdeveloped. Also, more comprehensive evidence shows that the prefrontal cortex still develops even in our 30s/40s, and that mind-reading skills peaks in young adulthood, and dark triad traits peak as young adults and then decline after that. Additionally, young women between 18 and 24 were much more likely than older women to view all kinds of things as sexual harassment and were far more likely to interpret it as uncomfortable. Hell, on social media, many young women list things they call "red flags", and they call some of the pettiest things red flags, and these are usually 18-23 year old women. You don't see older women talking about red flags as much. Young women seem to be more aware of it.

I don't think having "life experience" makes you difficult to manipulate. We often forget many life experiences so it doesn't make us always learn, and honestly, just because a 35 year old has been doing a 9-5 hour job repeatedly for years doing the same routine, getting married and taking care of kids, doesn't mean they have more life experience except those 3 things. Those are the 3 main things they remember doing in the past many years. Most other life experiences are things they probably forget or don't necessarily think much of. Besides, some 18 year olds may have done many things with their life that older people didn't do, and many older people might forget some experiences, so in a way, 18 year olds could be more knowledgeable about some things. In order to avoid being manipulated, you don't even need relationship experience (being in relationships doesn't mean you've learned things or necessarily dealt with things that people who get manipulated deal with). As long as you are aware of red flags, problems in relationships and other issues like that, you can figure out more how to watch out for these things, and young women know more about this than older women.

We also need to stop saying "they're fresh out of high school", because in high school, you often experience your license, your first job, driving to places on your own and buying things, having sex, drinking and other adult activities. It's proto-adulthood. If young adults go to postsecondary education or have jobs, then many 17 year olds already are experiencing those things. It's not like in high school, you're just a toddler learning 1+1. As a result, 18 year olds already have experienced some parts of adulthood by now, and if they're old enough to go to war or be treated like an adult under law, they can consent to sex or a relationship with someone older than them. It's funny how sex isn't a big responsibility when they sleep around with 100 strangers, but it's a big responsibility for 18 yr olds to consent to sex with someone even 5+ years older. It is true that people of two different age groups might not have much in common, but there are times where it could happen. They could have the same music taste, the same hobbies, etc. or be in the same environment (both are in college or both in the same job). Not all 18-21 year olds go to college, most 22+ year olds don't have a college degree, and a third of college students are age 25+. The older person isn't necessarily immature. Rare times where you match with a younger person could still somehow happen. But people often complain about 5-10 year gaps, like 19 and 25. Sure, 19 and 25 can be somewhat different, but they're not entirely different. 25 year olds do have some characteristics of a 19 year old. They're both young adults, too. After puberty, change becomes more gradual than people admit.

I know there's also people who say "but i'm *insert age here* and i can't fathom dating *insert age here*". The problem is, just because you or even many people your age wouldn't date someone, doesn't mean it's immoral to date them. Most 25 year olds nowadays wouldn't wanna settle down yet, but that doesn't make it wrong. Also, sometimes you'll hear someone who is like 25 who say they can't "fathom" dating even 20 year olds. The problem is, outside the modern Anglosphere, no other society makes a big deal about 5-10 year gaps, and in many of those societies, 25 year olds date 20 year olds all the time. If you lived in those societies, you probably would've been okay with dating them. 25 and 20 aren't THAT different, and I think subconsciously, you only wouldn't date them due to how you're socialized. It's only the modern Anglosphere that complains about 5-10 year gaps. Even in mainland Europe, it's not a big deal. Hell, if you lived long ago, you would've complained how you can't imagine dating black people as a white person and would've said whites and blacks are "too different".

Conclusion

I divided this post into sections for people who need only bits to read, but I can conclude that older men who date younger women aren't usually predatory or hurting anyone. So let's stop complaining about Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriends' ages. Is there a power imbalance? Sure. I could also argue that young people can leech off older people's money, falsely accuse them of domestic abuse and people will give them the benefit of the doubt because there's an age gap, etc. In many ways though, as mentioned above, young people have capabilities that make them able to overpower older people. We need to stop acting like older people cannot be manipulated because there are times where they do and we're just victim blaming the ones who get harmed when we say older people can "see through your bullshit". I mean, 17 year olds literally sneak out and have sex and throw parties at 2 AM and use fake IDs yet their middle aged parents and even store clerks are too clueless to realize it. But yes, older people can't be messed with by young people. What bullshit! Should we not allow big people to date small people? Neurotypical people can't date autistic people? Assertive people can't date people who are afraid to stand up for themselves? Age-similar relationships can have power imbalances, but that doesn't mean one will use it to harm the other. Sometimes, someone can like an older person with a "power imbalance" for protection or because they need a provider. Power can be used for protection or support, not always harm.