Some tips here for any Dad going through a custody/access battle. Obviously there’s more, but these were some key take-aways from my experience.

1.) Record everything. Use a memo app on your phone, smartphone app for calls. Make sure your recording practices meet your local laws, as those differ from state-to-state.

2.) Keep a journal of every perceived wrong-doing by the mother. You may think it’s minuscule, but family courts never look kindly on an alienating parent (mother in this case)

3.) Ask for access to your kid(s) and document it!!!! Any guardian ad litem is going to ask if you’ve asked and if she’s said “no”. Have proof of that shit. That’s home-run proof of alienation.

4.) Do not do drugs. You can and will be asked to take a urinalysis on the spot in family court. If it’s in your system and you’ve been asked if you use, be honest. The judge will look at your honesty with far more favor than your lie and positive urinalysis result. Just don’t use, it’ll make your life far simpler.

5.) See a personal therapist. Be proactive about your own mental health. If you have issues, you’ll be seen as working on yourself and trying to be the best for your kid(s) as possible. If you don’t, same thing goes. If a GAL is involved, grant them access to talk to your counselor. They will take their opinion over your ex-wife about you being “crazy” or not. Be proactive about this. Start before court, or as soon as you receive a summons.

6.) Do not, no matter how hard it is, disparage your ex to your kids, friends, family, coworkers, etc. Anyone and everyone could potentially be called as a witness against/for you. *This includes via any electronic format, social media, texting, blog posts, etc.

7.)Do not text anyone anything you wouldn’t want a judge to read in court. It can, and will, be used against you, and often out of context.

8.) Do everything you can to include your ex on communications regarding the children. CC you ex on any emails to schools, doctors, etc. Show that you are genuinely trying to co-parent and have their best interest at heart.

9.) This one is hard as hell, but remind your kids while they’re with you about their Mom. Remind them to tell Mom about achievements made while in your care, that she loves them, etc. In the least this will stick with them and they’ll also see that they should be able to do that with you.

10.) Never stop telling your little ones that you love them and want to be in their life. Make them feel the love you have. That immeasurable love of a father. We have it in spades just like Mom, but society has influenced us to push it down. Break the cycle and shower them with hugs, read books, and play with them. Be with them. This is all kids want at the end of the day. For their parent to give a damn and be engaged in their life. Do this and the rest will fall into place.

11.) (EDIT 3) I originally omitted this because I was trying to steer clear of any religious connotations here, but it helped me personally a great deal. Meditate. You can do the zen meditation thing, yoga, play music, exercise. Do something every day to force your mind into the present moment. We can't function at 100% when our brain power is being exhausted on the single most stressful thing most of us will go through, the potential loss of our children. Give yourself time to heal, recover, and regroup. It's paramount to your success and to being an overall chill dude/lady.

Source: Lived this nightmare and came out the other side

Edit: Sharing a source for court-admissible transcription service. You won’t be able to take your phone into most domestic courts, and will need transcripts of anything you want to present as evidence.Rev is a very affordable option.

Edit 2: /u/buttershound offered this great advice

Some people in this thread are worried about children being taken across International borders without Court approval/parental kidnapping. If they are in the US they can look into putting restrictions on a child's passport here:

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html

For immediate emergencies call 1-888-407-4747 and ask to speak to a Prevention Officer.

Edit 3 (fixing mobile type-o errors): /u/legaleagle7899 recommends https://talkingparents.com/home for co-parenting communication

A note on the suicide statistics; evidently the numbers don't add up, and there's some disparity in the research. Be aware, don't believe everything you read on the internet. Including this post. Do your homework on state and local laws, but at the end of the day focus on being the best Dad you can be. Our kids deserve our best and we're strong enough to give it to them.Like the Navy Seals say, if you think you're at the end of your effort, you probably have another 60% in reserve. Get at it!

If you're feeling hopeless please reach out to someone who cares!

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-8255