I figured this would be a good place to put this.

A little back story. At 19 I knocked up a girl on a one night stand, needless to say 9 months later I had a beautiful daughter and soon after child support was ordered. I did what I had to do and put myself through college and got a good job and did what I could for her even though I live 3 states away. My problem is not the child support anymore, its what it has done to me mentally. Child support has ruined my life in a sense and made it better in another. Professionally child support has been great it has allowed me to focus on my career, finances and credit and b/c of that those things are in better shape than at any time in my entire life. Other than that though I am a complete wreck. I am one the most outgoing people and I can work a room and have everyone laughing their asses off but when I am dating I am abnormally shy and afraid of my dates usually. This was not always the case I never had this problem when I was a teenager and I guess over the years I just never realized that I had given up on my personal life so quickly. This morning while talking to a family member they pointed out that I don't date anymore or really even try, and when she said it I instantly started crying. I knew exactly why, I just needed some else to acknowledge it and the flood gates came open. I literally am so afraid of getting hit for child support again I have removed myself from dating all together. Sex is completely off the table and has been for a long time b/c if I even get close I freeze up about thoughts of courts and lawyers and Division of Family Services, threats of jail time. At one point I considered a vasectomy so I just wouldn't have to worry anymore.

I just can't do it anymore.

I am 31 and have not lived outside my office for fear of having to go through all this again. I want to meet somebody and eventually have kids that I get to see and raise for myself.

Today though I will try to start anew and force myself to put myself out there. I only hope it isn't hard coded in now.