Reading a recent CMV post, there was a link to this part of the FDS Handbook and the nature of FDS kind of crystalized for me.

The post basically tries to say being 'high maintenance' is actually a good thing. A woman should be high maintenance because all that means is demanding her worth. It kind of goes off the rails in places, but that's the gist.

Calling someone 'High maintenance' is a criticism. It means you think they require too much work or are too demanding. However, you have to consider the source - if someone calls someone high maintenance, it could just be they are unwilling to put in much work at all. This thinking really did clarify FDS for me. The whole sub is just a repetition of the message, "You should demand more." It is backed by repeated examples of terrible men and some biased articles

So is this good advice? Well, maybe.

If you are dating lazy, inconsiderate men who want demeaning sex then clearly you should be demanding more. They may call you high maintenance, but FDS would be right in calling them assholes. This is why I can see women going to FDS with a bad relationship or a bad breakup - to receive validation that they are valid. They should demand more. This is where I can see the real value in FDS, for women who have been treated poorly.

On the other hand, many women have unrealistic expectations about a partnership. Some women expect a man to work out, earn, romance, and listen more than she ever would. All of this while believing that she is an ineffable queen who they are blessed to be in the presence of. FDS tells her that somehow she is worth this. If you look at their definitions of High Value Men and High Value Women it should be clear that the traits are very different. High Value Men are to be of helpful service. High Value Women are to be inexorable rulers.

Naturally, this "demand more" and "be high maintenance" advice is poisonous to women in this second grouping. Yes, there are very rare men who might sign up to live a life of slavish devotion, but they aren't exactly common. The vast majority of men aren't interested in that. Initial dating is very biased towards women, so men will often try to impress them during that time, but when it becomes clear that they won't be entering a partnership of equals, they'll bounce. Women with these expectations will more than likely find themselves very lonely in the long run.

If you are called high maintenance for expecting your boyfriend to remember your birthday, they're an asshole. If you are called high maintenance by most people (excepting other similar female friends), you probably are. Woman have negative experiences if they have been in the first group. Men have negative experiences dealing with the second group. Hence the very different reactions to the sub.

Anywho, all non-crazy comments and discussions are welcome - particularly from women who have had a polarized reaction to FDS one way or the other.

**Coda - I find it very revealing that both FDS and much of the manosphere are very anti-sex. FDS hates porn, sex workers, and casual anything. Manosphere people judge women by their 'body count'. Good sex is wonderful, but requires intimacy - something that both groups seem incapable of.