Please help me. Married 4yrs, been together for 12.Have 3 kids together. he is Christian, we go to church.he was baptized before we got married. I went out of town first time since we been married to visit my grandpa with cancer in 80s and while gone he didn't answer phone for 20hrs, and said he got drunk and was playing videogames all night, and said he was still mad at me and that's why he didn't answer (he instigated a fight bcuz I forgot car seats for plane) i was gone for 10 days, by end of trip the communication was so poor I had to verify he was getting me n kids from airport, he did. I asked him about that night and he started trying to say a bunch of random stuff and I shrugged it off went to life as usual. I felt like our living room was off, didn't feel right in home, so I go to adjust everything as usual for past years and discover in bookshelf a drug foil tucked in books up high, I was mortified, I ask is there anything u need to tell calmly and he said nope I told you everything. Before hand, I knew in my heart he had relapsed all the signs were there, a lifestyle I was saved from by Jesus, and my husband saved baptized too. Then we got married. Well I asked for timeline of events and what happened he said oh I bought x worth used it and that's it, we got in argument that resulted in him manhandling me that was Thursday. On Sunday i went on his phone and found in deleted photos he hadsex w a homeless/junkie 50ish woman while I was gone, filmed it, had her in our house on our couch while doing drugs and p**n he doesn't know that I know I'm mortified he is always saying I need to look better, I'm very attractive by social norm and now finding out this, whole life has come crashing down, I have nothing I'm stahm, i havent told our church yet, he doesn't know that I know ,I can see he has been living a lie to me this whole time, won't look me in eyes, he had sex w me even since then-. This was a great swing of evil. It made me sick, nauseous. I don't want a divorce - I'm looking for encouragement from women that have overcome this