This may be a long post. So I apologize going forward but I need some help.

I’m 22 years old and I feel so lost and alone right now. I did terrible in college at 19, mainly from balancing my familial duties and trying to keep my partner happy. This lead me to stop schooling to make things worse. I’ve spent the past five years practically under rock, trying to support others with their lives, while practically stuck at home not doing any bit of living. I’ve lost myself and my conviction I had younger. I feel terribly drained.

I just came out of a long term relationship, which I’ve come to accept was toxic. With forms of mental and emotional abuse, and a lot of self sacrifice that I can’t begin to list. Despite all that I miss him and still love him, but am okay with the ways things are. It’s for the best. It doesn’t seem like much of anything I did was enough for him.

However I’m having trouble in having hope in finding another partner. Who shares the same values that I do, willing to wait for sex, and can accept my boundaries. Much less even compatible.

I plan to stay single for a long time until I get myself together and feel more confident and more established in my own life. But my previous relationship has made me realize how much I want a family of my own and to find a true companion.

Aside from relationships, I feel pretty low about myself. I still live with my mother, my grades are way better in college. But I still feel bad and as if others are way ahead of me. And I have nothing going for myself. And it’s effecting me pretty bad.

Has anyone felt this way and their life turn differently than they expected? Does anyone have advice on how to have any hope for the further?

TLDR; I don’t have much hope after self denial for years, and now I feel drained of life. And not knowing if I’ll find a great companion or