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[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points 10 years ago | Copy Link
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[–]vguertin88 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
A horrible situation, no. However we are in the middle of filing for bankruptcy. We both work outside the home. We have always had great communication about our finances, we have agreed to not borrow money or go into debt anymore. It has less to do with control, more to do with, he didn't talk to me about it. Never asked me for my opinion, didn't tell me anything about it. I don't have a right to be upset about that? If it was a decision he was going to make either way, regardless of my opinion, that's different, he's done that before, when I wanted to have or home be tv free he said no way and I dropped it. But I didn't even get a chance to be part of this discussion. This business is also a start up, brand new. We are currently using our combined income to get this going, he has not made money yet from it.
[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was like yeah if you feel like you need it lets save up some money this month for it. Apparently he felt he needed it by the 20th of this month and decided to take it into his own hands. I never heard about it again. Like the beginning of September he brought it up.
[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
He told me back in September about this need and I said "yeah that sounds legitimate" or something. Basically, I agreed it would be a good expense. Note my husband frequently so start projects or talk about new ideas and many never come to fruition. He's a dreamer and when the actual plan goes into effect his enthusiasm and interest will fizzle out. So when I didn't hear about it again for a month I figured that's all it was, a passing idea. I never heard another word about it except for tonight at dinner from his father.
[–]vguertin88 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
...also not true. He knows he does this and he likes to talk ideas out with someone listening to see if it's feasible. He needs to hear things out loud. Often I'm just listening and I rarely actually give my opinion because it isn't needed. He figures out what he wants to do and how to do it. Sometimes he drops the idea that night, sometimes he brings it up again and the drops it, sometimes he brings it up again and then puts it into action. I rarely know which one it is until ibrealize it either has or hasn't happened. So when this latest idea wasn't brought up again, I assumed he dropped it.
You know, sometimes the tough love on this Reddit is truly needed as some of the women that come here just truly don't get it. If you look at my posting history you would see that I take this pretty seriously. Rpw has changed my life and my husband's for the better. Sometimes real women just need a little support from like minded women instead of getting their heads ripped off by ppl who assume too much. My husband and I worked things out. Sometimes the captain does do something that isn't in line with what he's been doing and how he's been leading. He isn't infallible. That's why the first mate is there. Maybe that isn't specifically red pill but I think it's better to ask my husband a question, to get him thinking if this is the path to go down for us rather than just letting him make decisions he hasn't fully thought out.
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
has less to do with control, more to do with, he didn't talk to me about it. Never asked me for my opinion, didn't tell me anything about it.
So basically, "it's not about control, it's about control."
we have agreed to not borrow money or go into debt anymore.
You say "we" here, but he doesn't seem to have felt the same way or he wouldn't have borrowed money. It sounds like you made that decision more than he did. His actions read to me like a guy who just didn't want to deal with you freaking out and knew you would. Do you really want him to expect this reaction from you?
[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I don't understand why I can't have an opinion on how our combined income is made.
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You do have an opinion. You expressed it. He chose not to make use of it in this circumstance. Do you want to be the captain or the first mate?
[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I did not get to express it though. That's what I'm trying to tell you
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It was something discussed in our premarital counseling. His family follows Dave Ramsey and I was introduced to it and during our counseling before marriage we were on the same page, I thought.
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you want to be the captain or the first mate?
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He knows he should have told me He frequently will do things and I get upset, he promises it will be different next time. It happens again and again.
He knows he should have told me
He frequently will do things and I get upset, he promises it will be different next time. It happens again and again.
What? This is not red pill at all, it sounds really controlling. So he didn't tell you. Why are you freaking out?
It is money he's is spending from our personal account, not his business account. This is a brand new business, he has not made any money yet.
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[–]vguertin88 1 point2 points3 points (12 children) | Copy Link
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[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]vguertin88 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]vguertin88 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]vguertin88 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link