I used to be in a relationship with an older, marries man. The whole affair lasted for a few months, but it was very deep and we both had strong feelings for each other.

I ended the relationship a few weeks ago and we met yesterday for the last time so that we could say goodbye and so that I could give him some of his stuff. The meeting was very emotional. We both cried and wished each other the best. I genuinely want him to be happy and his stance showed me that he cares about me too.

We cut off all communication after that, we decided it was for the best. However, I feel devastated. I still love him and I feel like he was the ideal man. He was dominant yet loving. Highly intelligent and highly educated. Most men in my area seem dumb as bricks so I was deeply impressed by his intelligence. He has tall and handsome. Literally looked like an ancient greek statue.

I sometimes wish I was braver so that I would wait for him to divorce. But I was not brave enough and I felt that even if he did divorce we would still have all sorts of problems. He has two small kids with his wife and I didn't want them to get hurt. I also felt sorry for his wife even though I had good reasons to believe that she isn't a very good person or wife. I am still in my mid twenties so I didn't want to get involved in a messy situation.

Despite all this, I still feel lonely. I know that people hate cheaters, but I think he was a good person. He had the power to manipulate and take advantage of me but he didn't. He was very honest with me and I respect him.

I feel that I will never find someone who will touch me emotionally like he did. I feel that I will never fully get over him. I have no idea how to deal with it. I was always kind of an emotionally cold person so this is all new to me.

I posted here to get some advice not to be morally judged. Please, don't comment if all you want to do is morally condemn me, TRP discourages moral judgements for a reason