So mini FR from my last. Taking a job in a different city, and they are pushing for immediacy. Two of the three other offers are jumping over themselves to fast track meeting me, know the range they have to beat, first world problems. Something that finally comes with a Red Pill lens.

You are the Oak.

Reminds me of the month leading up to a deployment. Things move fast, you don't have enough information to make perfect decisions. You make the best decisions you can with as little information as you have, and pivot as necessary.

Spouse is stressed as hell. Even though her office is transferring her to the same city. We have a pricey condo, but our real estate agent is probably going to rent it while we put it up on the market. I've outsourced the work and decisions wherever possible, basically making the vision known, and letting her handle the details. We have funds to have me in a basement apartment, air BNB, of normal rental ahead of time while we sort out the details.

A few pointers I've found work well on being the oak.

  • Give her a task, which translates to a measure of control. Right now she is searching for places. (I have plan B for an AirBNB for a few months anyways) It's something to focus on. this is just like any comfort test, you barely have to react, in fact, the less you react the better.
  • Fogging works well too. yeah, you should be stressed, this is a totally normal reaction
  • If you're stressed, keep that shit to yourself. For me, I'm mission focused. I know the minimum viable outcome I can live with, and thats where I focus, everything else is bonus.
  • Every new decision comes with a mini congruence test. What if X, what if Y. In my examples, what if the other interviews come up with a better offer and we have to stay? there isn't a problem a 1000 dollars can't solve. Keep your answers short, matter of fact, and keep perspective.
  • example, having a vodka Manhattan right now. How can you drink right now? I'm so stressed? Perfect time to drink :)
  • Worst case scenario? out a chunk of cash, but the boost in salary will smooth that over the first few months.
  • Realize that a lot of people are bobbleheads. Engineers that can't handle stress, retards who don't know how to make decisions. No one is starving in the street... you'll be fine. The rest is just details.
  • and the best part? As you internalize your role as the oak, it carries over in your actions, your body language, basically you think, therefore it is.
  • Preparation is good, better than most, but agility and flexibility will matter t some point. It's owning your decisions, something that you should be good with.

Kudos to the boys working with me on the last one. You should be able to see the difference between my initial 'excited' tone, and what I have as more measured here. It's totally normal to get a quick high while you navigate, don't do it in front of the wife, embrace the uncomfort of change.

  • A bad decision executed well always trumps a good decision executed poorly.* Keep this in mind, it was one of the few statements that came from my Leadership courses that stuck.