I hate mustaches. I understand some people think of Chuck Norris or Bert Reynolds when they think of mustaches, and I respect that, but I think of child molesters and 70s porn stars when I think of mustaches. Anyways, I was thinking out loud for Halloween costume ideas with my girlfriend. I wanted something goofy and equipped with a fanny pack, so 80s tourist came to mind. Playing off of that:

me(jokingly): hm... I could grow a mustache and be a creepy tourist.

Her: I will not be fucking you, if you grow a mustache.

Damnit. It's a test.

Me: not even for a mustache ride?

Her: ewww no hahaha! Especially not for a mustache ride!

Me: I could shave it pencil thin and just give you a short mustache ride. And I'll mustache you short questions.

Her: no. No. No. NO.

So, naturally, I've been growing a mustache for the last two weeks. She's yet to see it because our plans have gotten befuddled regularly (for good reasons). It's driving me fucking crazy. I forget I have it every so often and it repulses/disappoints me every time I see a mirror. This Halloween is going to be great. I'll update when I molest/get rapey with my girlfriend.