Advice on behaviour towards FWB following first time hookup.

CONTEXT FROM PREVIOUS POST BEGINS HERE

Could really do with some advice on not being able to keep it up, new sexual partner/FWB situation.

So this has pissed me off to no end but I thought I'd reach out to this subreddit to get some advice.

I (37M) met and got a girls (40F) number whilst we were indulging in a mutual sport. I messaged her that evening and and we agreed we didn't want to go down a relationship route but to keep things casual. She has a kid who is prioritised over anything else. But, and this is important, this girl is drop dead gorgeous and I didn't expect her to actually be receptive to me - I have low confidence from when I was younger (although have been with girls before) but yeah, it was quite a surprise to me.

Anyway jump to the next day, we arrange to meet in the evening on a Sunday. I suppose this is relevant but I was feeling quite tired and had work in the back of my mind the next day. We pop out for a few drinks and really hit it off, she is receptive to my touching and laughing at my jokes etc. All is well. I didn't kiss her at this point.

We then head back to her place and end up chilling on the sofa. 10 minutes go by and then I make my move and start making out with her. I escalate and she climbs onto me and we start removing clothes. She does comment on how I seem nervous and I deny it but she laughs it off and says well alright then.

Needless to say I am nervous as fuck.

She does ask me a few more times it I'm alright throughout this entire thing. I go down on her for a while and then go to take my boxers off and realise I am nowhere near full mast. Saying that I do manage to enter her but she's trying to pull me in further and is obviously aware I'm not fully erect.

She offers to go upstairs to her bedroom instead to try it on the bed. And no luck. I just can't stay fucking hard. She is talking to me throughout this and telling me just relax you're in your own head. Eventually we essentially gave up there and I felt embarrassed.

Anyway we're lying on the bed together and I'm kissing and caressing her with no intention of continuing sexual activity at this point. She tells me not to worry about it and uses the phrase performance anxiety which I'd never heard of. She tells me she has experienced it with guys in the past.

At a certain point it's getting late, like 1 in the morning and I need to leave to get back home. Before I leave I tell her I still had fun and kiss her a few times before leaving. She tells me to text her when I've arrived back home which I do to confirm I'm back.

We haven't messaged or said anything about it since then- I'll be running into her again at some point at the same sporting activity but I don't know where to go from here. She DID mention a "next time" in context of it happening again but I feel the urge to message her to clarify that. Some more context- I have been on SSRIs but the erections have been fine up until Sunday night. What the fuck do I do here? I feel a bit hopeless and am trying to not keep it on my mind but typically I can't not think about it.

END OF PREVIOUS POST CONTEXT

Following these events I saw her again on the Wednesday at our mutual activity in a public setting. Initially she was a bit standoffish with me so I let her go and do her own thing (our mutual activity is solo and not a team "sport").

When we made these arrangements for FWB she was clear that the less people know about it the better. I haven't told anybody there about us being intimate on the Sunday so she has nothing to worry about in that case - perhaps she is being a bit paranoid?

Anyway I started talking to this other girl there who I knew from previous sessions who is early 20s (nothing has happened between us but we get along well and have socialised normally at this activity). As I was doing so FWB walks around the corner - I go to introduce them but they have spoken already. All good!

My other friend (53M) who attends these sessions with me was there. FWB is complimentary towards his activity on countless occasions and makes a conscious effort to say goodbye to him when she's leaving before us.

This is where I wonder where I'm either being shit tested or if she has perhaps taken a liking towards him. The thing is I really don't have time for games- my focus currently is work, money and keeping fit. I have somewhat purposefully deprived myself of intimacy for many years which would have influenced the performance anxiety I mentioned in the previous context of this post.

I have suffered from many mental health issues over the years as has my 53M friend and we've both supported each other through them. He is worried about my mood at the moment but I'm also worried about the existing dynamic here.

She hasn't said that she doesn't want to continue the arrangement. We will not be meeting up this week, but my plan going forward is simply to get her to meet next week at some point, keep myself a little calmer and fuck her properly this time. If she decides not to go ahead next week I'm thinking of just moving on from the arrangement to save mind games.

Advice please! Preferably from guys who have a high body count and have suffered from similar performance anxiety.