There's this boy, Nick. He's looking at his phone for the 10th time in 5 minutes. Taking his courage and his phone in both hands, after days of hesitation, he sends a text message containing an invitation to the movies to the sublime Audrey, the girl with whom he has the incredible opportunity to do his teamwork in philosophy. It took him an hour to put the 143-character text message together. Nick has been able to see "'read'" next to the text message for a good 20 minutes. Still no answer.

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What factors explain the level of attraction that different characters have for each other?

Why do two people remain engaged in an unsatisfactory relationship?

Are there different types of love?

With whom do we form relationships?

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In love as in hunting, the real pleasure is poaching.

- Honoré de Balzac

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First of all, we connect with others because our interpersonal relationships meet certain affiliate needs. The complexity of our social network reflects the variety of needs to be met.

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There are certain factors that predict attraction. Situational factors such as closeness and familiarity can promote attraction, as we are more attracted to people who are close to us and whom we see more often. Beware, too much familiarity with the person can lead to a considerable decrease in attraction and conflict.

But the question remains, what attracts us to others in the first place? Their personality? Their sense of humour? Their intelligence? Their good mood? Their values? Of course, it's frowned upon to answer that what attracts us above all in others... is their physical appearance. In fact, it's revealing that people looking for partners through dating sites or applications like Tinder avoid talking about the physical beauty they are looking for in a partner. They say they want to meet a nice, reliable person with a good sense of humor. However, they carefully choose the photos they post on their profile, even retouch them to make themselves more attractive, and they lie about their physical characteristics (weight, height, etc.) especially if they don't feel favored by nature. No matter how much we pretend that we don't judge a book by its cover and that it's the inner beauty that counts, we won't hide here, we have to face the facts: physical appearance is a primary determinant of attraction. It wasn't Audrey's sparkling personality that first attracted Nick, but his appearance.

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Personal factors also affect attraction. Certain personal characteristics affect attraction: physical beauty and resemblance as opposed to complementarity. Likeness is a good factor, it can be demographic, activity or interest, culture or values, and finally physical beauty. We establish relationships with people who seem to have a level of beauty equivalent to our own. Basically, humans do not look for a person who is too beautiful, for fear that they will not appreciate and reject us, nor do we choose a person who is unattractive. We intuitively evaluate our market value and look for someone whose value corresponds to ours.

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Physical beauty has a considerable effect on attraction. One of the explanations for this phenomenon is the notion of bias in favor of beauty: we spontaneously grant beautiful people beautiful qualities. When we look at the cover of a book, we draw all sorts of conclusions about its contents. The same would be true about people: when we see an attractive person, we attribute all sorts of beautiful qualities to him or her.

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There are 4 theories that explain the effect of similarity on attraction, whereby people who look alike attract each other. One of the first explanations would be because a similar person creates a more balanced relationship. The second is that we simply like people who look like us because they reinforce who we are. The third possible explanation is that resemblance between love partners may be a consequence of relationships, not a prerequisite for bonding. Finally, the last explanation states that we have relationships with people who look like us for the simple reason that it is this type of person that we are most likely to encounter in our everyday lives.

In addition, we may have a tendency to associate with people who are complementary to us in terms of personality, resources or skills. Another personal characteristic is reciprocity (we love those who love us), particular personality traits and financial health. A good example is Melania and Trump. A beautiful young woman and a rich but aging man. This type of exchange is not always done in this sense, but it is becoming more and more common for middle-aged women to capture the young Adonis.

The happiest couples are composed of one dominant and one submissive person or two partners who are neither.

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There is a theory that explains love relationships: that of social exchange. It is explained by the fact that satisfaction in the intimate relationship depends on the benefits and costs associated with it, as well as on the level of comparison of the individual. Commitment in a relationship depends on satisfaction, but also on the investments that have been made in it and on the quality of the other relationship possibilities. Thus, we can answer the question why the husband, with 2 houses and 3 children, stays in the relationship after being cheated 40 times with the village baker. It is simple, it is because he has made a considerable investment. What has been invested in a relationship can never be recouped in the event of a break-up. This is cognitive dissonance. He changes his attitude towards the relationship in such a way as to justify the investment.

You should now be able to answer the questions above.

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Bonus

Interestingly fact: A person experiencing physiological reactions as a result of a pronounced state of activation (hiking in the mountains) will look in their environment for what puts them in such a state. If this individual is in the presence of another pleasant person, he or she may fall in love.

This is the transfer of arousal: the activation caused by one stimulus is carried over to the activation caused by another stimulus, and is added to it.