Intro:

In this (very long) post I will try to cover some things I have learned about non-verbal communication with women. I'm not an expert, but I feel like I've made an ass of myself enough, and learned from quite a few (and sometimes quite embarrassing) mistakes, along with having plenty of success. As a disclaimer there is only so much I can describe to you via a text post and I urge you to take everything I say with a grain of salt, and I also urge you to go out, build your own skill set, and look for your own signs and signals. If you don't have a lot of experience in women, you might feel like you're, "missing all the signs" or, "don't know what to look for." If you're one of those people I hope to give you some practical advice to level the playing field in regards to communication. Some of these tips may apply to guys or platonic friends as well, but I'm mainly focused on women in a sexual context in this post. I also ask you to bear with me as I'm trying to describe a language that isn't verbal - with a verbal language. If I have written anything that you are unclear of, or you feel like it needs to be explained more/more clearly/in more detail/with more examples. Please let me know and I will do my best. Any suggestions are welcome. If I feel like they contribute to the topic, I may add them into the post.

Body:

Differences between male and female communication: I think it's quite necessary to point out of the (not so) obvious differences in communication styles between men and women. Particularly direct vs indirect. Typically men are very direct with their styles of communication. Often we say what we mean, and mean what we say. Men's communication is taken largely at face level. Where as female communication is usually very covert and has underlying meanings behind it (think power talk). Men do communicate with non-verbal communication, but this is also very direct: Raised fists, high fives, thumbs up, middle finger raised loud and proud - although these things are nonverbal, they are quite direct and obvious.

You've been building a different skill set: While you were being competitive with your friends with sports, tag, and other games (or not?). The girls were talking. Men are (or have the capability to be) physically strong. Women aren't able to compete with men at this same physical level, so they developed competency in a different type of warfare - and they're quite good at this. Subtle manipulation and communication - but these signals can be hard to detect when a woman is trying to convey her interest to us. Verbal communication is often (but not always) too direct for them, so they often resort to more subtle methods. Also keep in mind that women are not very good at describing how they feel (is anyone really?) to force them to narrow things down into a discussion on how they are feeling in this very moment about a particular thing is very masculine and out of a woman's nature. Direct communication also requires a lot of confidence: the person stands the chance of being reprimanded or rejected for what they say or do. Where as subtle communication is plausibly deniable - thus safer in a way.

You need experience: There is no substitute for experience in this style of communication. When I was learning Japanese I did my best to talk to everyone I could about anything. I made a lot of mistakes, and it was embarrassing, but I got miles ahead of people that never went out and tested themselves this way. No matter how many books you read, flashcards you review, or vocabulary you study - when learning a language you need to go out and use it in practical applications. Although I can (and will soon enough) give you some tips, they won't do you any good unless you actively go out and and practice the skill of non-verbal communication. I find myself learning new things all the time, and I truly do believe that - just like Japanese - nonverbal communication is a different language.

How to level the playing field: Instead of giving you an enormous (and impractical) list of signals, I will try to outline some of the key concepts in nonverbal communication. I think using these concepts is easier and more practical when interacting with women, vs trying to cross reference a fucking excel sheet while you're on a date.

Key Concepts:

  • Stop talking and listen. If I'm very focused on what I'm going to say, how I'm going to say it, and how she's going to interpret what I say - I have less capacity to focus on the non-verbal signals she's giving me. I try to talk as little as possible for a couple of reasons, in regards to reading body language it's simply easier to focus all of my attention on one task, by avoiding multi-tasking. If our attention is divided we can't do as good a job on something (Talking on the phone and driving). Stopping or reducing multi-tasking (talking) and simply focusing attention on reading her signals will make it easier to apply yourself and actually see the signs she's giving you. In addition to this I think it's important reduce focus on how you're feeling (inward) during the interaction, and try your best to focus on how she is or might be feeling (outward). This doesn't mean intensely staring her down at all times, but being able to take a quick break from the conversation to look at her posture, expressions, and gauge her receptiveness in order to get a grasp of her current emotional state.

  • Convey by doing, not telling: Non-verbal communication is a two way street, women are very receptive to non-verbal communication. More so than verbal communication, and even more so than men are. How I convey my sexuality, interest, etc... largely comes from displaying, not telling. For example: Holding hands, linking arms, kissing her, grabbing her ass, playing with hair, ears, neck, legs, or face. These are all ways of conveying my interest in her.

  • Receptiveness: Honestly I think this might be the most important aspect of non-verbal communication and my other points will stem from here one way or another. As I mentioned earlier in my above point if I convey my interest through action (trying to kiss her), she will convey her interest by reciprocating or denying my advances. I think this is a truer judge of interest over trying to decipher any IOI's (indicators of interest) she might be giving you. As a side note I would like to bring up the idea of pace and rapport. Every girl has their own pace that they are comfortable moving forward with. To simplify reactions I'll put them into 3 categories: Yes, No, and MAYBE. Let's give some examples:

EX: If I reach for her hand and try to hold it if she-

Grabs mine and squeezes it back - YES Holds it like a dead fish, or somewhat reluctantly - MAYBE Refuses to holds hands with me - no

If I slap her ass: Looks at me and smiles (regardless of what she says) - YES no reaction, or look of uncertainty - MAYBE look of distain or fright - NO

If I go in for the kiss and:

She closes her eyes and passionately kisses me a few times, I pull away first - YES She closes her eyes and uncertainly kisses me, pulls away quickly - MAYBE She keeps her eyes open and ducks her chin - MAYBE She pushes you away with a look of distain on her face - NO

They key here is you’re gauging how enthusiastically she reacts to your advances, and how eagerly well she reciprocates or denies them.

Let's go over how I usually handle of these situations, and how I interpret them.

YES: We're in good standing, attraction is solid, and building at a good pace. It's time to escalate one step further, but first take a step back then continue. Two steps forward, one step back, Push Pull always applies.

MAYBE: This can mean a lot of different things. Usually this means she isn't ready to do this YET, she's uncertain of how she feels about you, or doesn't feel enough attraction at the moment. Another possible explanation is that you weren't confident enough with whatever you did, and she felt that and it put her off. It could also mean that she doesn't like that particular thing you tried on her. It's important not to force things when you get a MAYBE! You might be able to push through a few MAYBEs caveman style, but this can backfire badly if she feels like you're being too forceful, and inattentive to her needs. You can put off people QUICK and FOREVER (at least in case of my personal experience) by not being in tune to how their feeling when they're giving you MAYBEs. I think the best way to handle MAYBEs is as follows:

  • Take a step back, and let her breath. Giver her a push if you've been pulling. Show her you're not afraid to lose her with a good tease. Fien disinterest (playfully). It's important that you show her that her lack of interest doesn't bother you.

  • Try something else: her MAYBE is quite possibly a way to let you know she isn't interested in that particular thing. Each girl is responsive to different things, every girl reacts differently (sometimes by a lot) to different kinds of advances. I know some girls that don't like x but like y. If she's giving you a MAYBE, try a couple other things before re-attempting. For example (keep in mind I live in Japan and this may not relate to you well): I usually try to hold hands/link arms. Some girls are absolutely opposed to this and don't want to hold hands even if we've been making out, or have fucked previously.

  • Try again later: If you took a step back, and tried a couple other things (touching, kissing, etc...) try re-attempting whatever you did that prompted a, "MAYBE" response from her, especially after you have built report. Usually a re-attempt will tell you a lot about your current standing. If you tried to hold her hand/kiss her/etc.. earlier, and she gave you a MAYBE, but this time she gave you a yes - attraction is being built. Where as if she keeps giving you MAYBEs it's quite possible she isn't into whatever you're doing: Holding hands for example.

  • You can coax a maybe into a YES or a NO depending on your game/actions/confidence.

  • Getting MAYBEs isn’t a bad thing, unless you get them over and over for the same action. Like going in for a kiss.

No: In the sense of a HARD NO - this is a full stop. I don't get too many HARD NO's (plenty of MAYBEs), so the best advice I can offer is to stop that course of action and try a different method. You're probably coming on to her too hard, and need to take it down a few levels. If you're getting a lot of HARD NOs I suggest working on your push-pull.

To summarize this point up the more responsive a girl is to your advances, the more attraction she has for you. If she's being receptive to your advances, keep using push pull and escalating until she's in your bed.

  • Posture/positioning: Her posture/position in relation to you is very significant. For this reason I always try to sit side by side: (Her)(me) with my date vs across from her (Her>)(<me). I feel like this is pretty obvious. If she's turned towards you, learning in or on you, Holding you - really anything that shows that her body is focused on you - this is good. It show's positive interest. Leaning away, or facing directly ahead or away from you are signs of not so positive posture/positioning

  • What are her Eyes telling you? There are 43 muscles in your face. To put things in perspective you have 34 muscles in your forearms and hands. and 5 in the upper arm. (Feel free to correct me if I'm off here). Let's think in terms of detail here, with your upper arm you can only express so much (5 muscles), with your hand you can (or should be able to) do quite a lot of expression (34 muscles), what about your face with 43 muscles? With all of those muscles, we can be quite expressive with our faces, but unlike large movements with our arms, they can be quite subtle. There is a lot of information being conveyed in the eyes. On average I notice that women have a lot stronger eye contact with me than men. They are also more receptive than men to my facial expressions, and have more facial expressions of their own. I think this is because typically women understand that so much is being expressed through the face, eyes, and expressions. Where as men are typically looking for meaning behind words and actions. Get experience (by going out and talking to a lot of people) in reading facial expressions. People may say one thing, but often how they're truly feeling will come out in their eyes and face. As a side note, I find it a lot of fun to stare into a beautiful woman's eyes. This always builds a lot of sexual tension (I'm thinking about fucking her while I'm watching her).

  • Actions over Words: Often what a girl says doesn't line up with what she means, does, or wants. On the other hand, it doesn't really matter what she says if she doesn't follow through with it. If is cooperating and going along with your lead -than she's into whatever you're doing. For example I have girl A who tells me I’m interesting and funny, but when I go to kiss her I get repeated MAYBEs or a NO - regardless of what she says, she’s not going to kiss me, and probably not going to fuck me either. Her actions spoke louder than her words.

Where as if I have a girl who tells me I’m the worst, I’m a player, I’m an asshole, I’m lame, I’m unfunny, etc…etc…etc.. None of that shit matters if I go for the kiss and she kisses me - which means she’s probably going to fuck me. Again, her actions spoke louder than her words. I’ll relate this to a different concept of Shit tests, often girls call me a player or an asshole or xyz to test frame. She want’s to feel that you’re strong and secure before she fucks you (but only a portion of your strength, just enough to know it’s there and that you’re not weak).

Another example: I was making out in a Karaoke booth, she’s on top of me and says, “You’re bad, we need to stop” While rubbing my cock through my pants. What did she really want? You guess.

Milestones of Rapport: If I can get a YES (or maybe) while doing these things I usually consider it a milestone, and proceed down the list.

Holding Hands/Linking Arms

Hand on Leg/between thighs

Her leg over mine

Intimate Touching: Ass slapping/grabbing, Swiping hair away from eyes, playing with ears, neck.

Kissing: Hand, Neck, Ears, Lips

(cuddling goes in here somewhere?)

Groping

Finger Bang

Fucking

One last note: You will convey your intentions/desire/state of being more through non-verbal communication than anything else. If you're not being honest with yourself, it's going to come out in your body language, and people will notice. For that reason if you're making a move: Grabbing her ass, going for a kiss, etc... you need to do so from a place of confidence. If you don't have confidence yet, do so because you want to.

Thanks for the read, good luck on your journey.

Bitter