Hey Pun intended

TL;DR: Unplugged and bitter, but still in AFC habits

Recently redpilled. I finished Rollo's Rational Male a few days ago and it's like I can see the code like Neo. It's weird, I've had so many times where I missed a chance with a girl because I knew she had a bf. Social conditioning is the only botch I've really been hurt by. Don't get me wrong, I've been all aboard the self-improvement train way before I even saw this shit: learning game, mediation, working out, nofap, you name it. I do realise my worth as a human being, but not as a man. I understand it, but I'm not it and I want to be. I always fall off the horse, I always revert to my AFC ways. This is pushing me to the edge, though I was tempted to be a MGTOW, at least until I got deep into a good routine. What should I do? There are women in my life with mutual interest but I feel like I'm doing it wrong, and yet again I just push them away. I feel deceived and it's been so hard unplugging. TBH I don't even care if no one replies to this (just like all the girls I wanted to open up to hehe). I know that I'll still be going to work, meditating and doing pull-ups every day. Hopefully this time I'll stick to it.

I'd wish you peace, but the idea of sexual competition disturbs that in my life right now.