This isn't going to be about girls. My sml is really low and I'm too beta (not self-deprecation, just statement of fact). I live with my parents at the moment and a few very small changes in how I act created a huge effect within my family. And I was in awe at the effects, it was really surprising.

All I did was raise my head while walking (It felt so unnatural, I've literally started seeing angles I haven't seen before), started talking slightly louder, looking directly into people's eye's for however long I can and making decisions quick.

That's all I did and after a few minutes of discussion I made both my mother and my sister cry. I was really surprised by that.

I came to talk to my mother and my sister who just came back from the shop. Before that I tried doing all of the things mentioned above walking outside, with store clerks etc. so I started doing it all near my mother and sister just to see what happens.

I notice it. For the first time in my life I notice it. I don't know if you can call it that since it was coming from my sister but I was getting shit tests. One after another. What once were innocent remarks to poke fun at me were now very obviously shit tests to me if you can call it that. "Hey, are you getting that burger?" (she knows I order a lot of junk food). After I say I wanna go back to my old roommates place (I dislike living with parents for obvious reasons) "What for, to play video games? (I play a lot of video games, but fuck yeah I'd much rather do that there than here). "Oh look at mister responsible" (after I do all of the things mentioned before) For the first time I felt being humiliated for this. She's kicking a dog while it's down, she's not seeing that all I'm doing is doing something, albeit very small, to see if I can improve my life. I'm just trying this shit out and it's starting to get out of controll Yes I fucked up my life to an extent, I didn't take responsibility for it, but she's just nagging me and throwing these little comments all the time and I just stare her directly into her eyes and say to her "Wow, you sure are getting fat, wanna go hit the treadmill instead of talking here?" and "It's not your bussiness what I'm going to do. At this points shit tests intensify, she's throwing them non-stop and I realize that my beloved sister considers me a complete and utter trashbag. It might be really obvious for you but for me this was a mind opening experience. I was raised by a single mother and now I remmember all the wrong ways she taught me. All the be nice, understanding bullshit and understand when someone is walking all over you that they're just playing around. So I don't stop reacting to every shit test she throws and it escalates. Soon enough she's saying I'm kissing my father's ass (he screamed at my mother a few days back because from what I understand he's burnt out, she came to defend my mother who has cancer and feels like a hero. Which she would be except for the fact that for the past 5+ months father was the only one who would daily talk to our mother, pay for medical bills and stuff like that. My sister never came to talk to my mother and mother even told me that she thinks my sister considers mother to be an empty spot.) when I say that we should not tell him to go fuck himself because he's the sole provider for the whole family. Starts crying, throwing insults etc. telling me to get out and never come back from the lower part of the house and I calmly, with a higher tone of voice (I swear to god I didn't scream back I just calmly talked back while looking into her eyes) I said "You're not the owner of this house so I will come here whenever I please". Mother was really sad and crying because she thought we were fighting (and this part makes me feel like shit because allthough she's trying ten million different cures that I know are all bs (she stoped chemo, it was too hard for her) I know that she doesn't have much time left, I'd say probably no more than half a year. She's already having trouble walking and I never intended for her to get involved with this but it happened so what can I do.)

So I go back to my room upstairs. This part right here is where I would feel like shit and have semi-suicidal thoughts if something similar to this situation happened. But not this time. I feel so much better. I don't like to use this word but I felt empowered.

TL;DR A few small changes in the way you present yourself can have a huge impact

I'm highly considering not posting this for multiple reasons but I'm just going to do it anyway and see what happens. If this is bad material I would appreceate not getting banned or at least having the opportunity to come back after I have lifted for some time, improved myself in all the other ways.