Summary Called partner. She was in the middle of a social event. No proper communication, hung up after 5 minutes. She got pissed off, I held frame, she quieted down.

Body

Good Morning Folks. Pleas excuse poor grammar or spelling errors, english is not my first language.

Last night I called my partner. I like calling people over texting. It feels more personal and my humour comes across better in voice than in text.

We talk 2, 3 times a week. Always pre arranged, set time, 2 or more days in advance - "So you will call at 2000hrs on thursday?" type of thing.

I call her, and she picks up the phone. I hear some quiet people in the background. Normal pleasentries, "hey sweetie, what are you doing-~" I tell her I am getting ready for work. She says, okay, and the noise in background becomes louder.

She is at her friends house, drinking, eating snacks and playing board games. I wait politely for a moment, packing my things, listening.

The usual procedure is that we talk about our week, she rants about her boss, I tell her a story about work, we organize schedules, flirt a bit.

Nothing.

As I am packing my gym bag, my lunch, getting dressed, I hear her and her friends hooting, laughing loudly, slamming noises - she had put the cellphone on the table and turned on speaker mode.

Old BP me would have yelled, trying to interject, crack a joke, be included, make the best of the situation.

I did none of these things.

I waited to see if she would take any notice at all - exposition about what they were doing, a small lead off into our usual pattern, a quick, hey, just finishing this up with FRIEND, then I will be with you.

Nothing.

I kept getting ready, and once ready, checked the timer on my phone. I had spent 5 minutes of my time, while getting ready, listening if we would talk. Instead, I listened to her and her friends having a hoot.

Old BP me would have demanded she explain, or give me her attention.

New RP me did not do any of this. I turned the call off and got into my car.

Somewhere between me putting my gear in my car and pulling out my driveway, she started blowing up my phone with text messanges.

"RUDE, WHY DID YOU HANG UP, WHAT HAPPENED" you can imagine the clap trap.

I told her simply that she was busy with her friends, and I would not suffer her to waste my time.

I finished getting my things together and started driving to work.

She asks me to explain further.

I tell her she is being rude to both me and her friends, splitting attention, and that I had better things to do.

At this point I was driving in ernest and did not check my phone until I got to work, a good 40 minutes later.

My phone had multiple messages from her.

"I told you I was finisihing up with FRIEND, why did you not say anything, this is how things are with me and my friends [we stay on phones no problem in social situations] I am upset that you just hung up without communicating." All this sort of shift.

I took deep breaths, then replied that she had not informed me about being almost out of there, did not talk, state intetions. That she had acted unacceptably.

She replied with message - instantly - saying that I was the rude one, not her, simply hanging up blah blah blah.

My reply was that she was behaving un acceptably, and I would not stand for being dis respected after cutting contact after her being rude like this.

I went to work, checked my phone roughly 2 hours later. she had folded, was contrite and apologized.

Lessons Learned

  • Hold Frame and utilized Dread.
  • Do not let dis respect stand.
  • Call her out on mis-truths.