TL/DR- I'm being a bitch and can't get over my recent ex, even tho I'm now with someone amazing who almost worships me.

Newer to the RP philosophy, willing to learn. Was married 24 years, went downhill because of wife's chronic illness- she didn't want to experience life anymore and I felt trapped. I hooked up with a high school crush which opened the door to fighting for what I want.

Got on Tinder, started dating more, settled on someone I really liked, but she always wanted things more casual. Casual works in theory for my situation, but I wanted more connection. Her actions were more casual than not, even tho she said otherwise. We dated 4 years. I would constantly be talking to/hooking up with others to get my emotional/sexual needs met. But we always had fun and laughed and connected well on most things. She's been very strong and independent. Difficult to get in her feminine. Mostly only let her guard down when drunk.

Met someone at work and we both felt chemistry immediately. Went out a few times while I was with casual gf. She decided I lived too far away (50 miles), and we didn't see each other for a few months, my work schedule changed. Ended up texting occasionally. My schedule changed again, and we saw each other at work again. Talked casually. One day I wasn't there, and she texted and said she missed seeing me, and almost asked me for a drink the past Friday. I said let's shoot for the following weekend. Went out, joking about no touching rule (she knew I had a gf), but drove her home and there was much touching indeed.

Feeling she checks all my boxes of what I want in a relationship, I ended things with casual gf. It didn't end well. I initially told her I didn't want a relationship anymore because my needs weren't being met- she would try for a few weeks anytime I brought it up, then back to same old ways. I knew change wouldn't last. Ended up telling her I was seeing someone else, because she wasn't accepting my reasons. She let me have it- angry semi-truths about me. I responded in anger, should have let it roll, I lost my temper when she attacked my parenting of my daughter.

Wrote her a letter a week later, apologizing for how I treated her and how things ended. Said I appreciated our time together and wished her well. It's been a month with no word. I still struggle with getting over her even tho the new relationship has been amazing. Do I just want closure from her, still be with her if things would change (I think I've seen enough they wouldn't)? Resisting temptation to be the one to reach out every day. Noticed initially she blocked me on FB, now I'm unblocked. Been wondering about that.

I said in my TL/DR that I feel like the new gf is so into me, am I just missing the challenge? Shouldn't relationships be this easy? I feel like I want something to fight for. Maybe I'm missing more of that in my personal life? But I don't think so. Been fighting for financial stability and growth for years, making progress. Working on better health. Not lacking in things to accomplish here, maybe just too used to having to fight for a relationship to succeed.