Hi guys,

So, I’ve posted quite a bit on TRP in relation to definitions (mostly relating to the self, and acceptance) but not really done a field report, or done anything to offer proof of existance of the theories I see here. This is my first one, and it’s been a bit of a work-in-progress in parts due to having to drop the questions to the other party bit-by-bit.

So the backstory is, my boss at work (33F) has been divorced once, comes across very “hard”, stern, doesn’t wear much makeup (besides fake nails, well, that I can tell anyway) and is a fair boss to work for (unless you go head-to-head with her). She doesn't take shit at all, from anyone, ever, which I have categorised as a reactionary defence mechanism (and that is by no means true, but I have come to this through a mixture of eavesdropping and asking simple questions). If you were to extrapolate these to a relationship, I feel she would be very demanding, opinionated, and deem herself in control of all things. Her team (of which I am one) is all-male, and we frequently discuss things on the team regarding women, women’s thoughts of how they see themselves, the media, and our thoughts on them in general (in relation to attractive qualities). One of the team members that I get on with the most is of the Islamic faith, and very open about his lifestyle at home (which is actually very Red-Pill, but please don’t assume people of the Islamic faith are cruel, or treat their women ‘unfair’ because that is the media covering the extremes; might do a report on his views another time, it's very interesting).

Over the course of several weeks, I have noted several behaviours relating to her reaching the end of (what we term) her SMV, and as mentioned before, she has been married (no children) which ended in a divorce when she was quite young (24-27, haven’t asked/don’t care for specifics, but I do know it lasted 9 months) to which she rationalised the failure to “I was too young, and wanted to be married”, although she had actually never lived with her husband in a house prior to getting married. She had a house with him, but as far as I know, they came out equal. She has since done internet dating (and has seen at least one man, who she dumped after going through his phone and seeing texts to other women, but he wasn’t open about this, and was lying to her about it), but has since ended up back with an ex of hers (39M) (a blue-pill, Nice Guy; more on him later) who got in touch with her out of the blue via a long four-page email confessing/explaining/white-knighting/self-hating, etc. We’ve seen it all before, most have probably done it before. I’ve never seen the actual email, but she sees it as nice, not creepy. The guy works in banking and earns roughly 10x her annual wage (we’re bordering on £200k a year with all his bonuses in check), which have something to do with that categorisation.

So, over the course of her being excited for the wedding which is coming up soon, here is what she’s got/going to get so far:

  • A trip to Vegas, to be married there (not a shitty do either) with all the trimmings; photographer, hotel, yada-yada-yada. The trip to America will continue for around two weeks whilst she goes around Arizona/Nevada sight-seeing.
  • A house (£250k) of which at least £125k has been put down as a deposit. (Not by her, but by him, that’s all of his contribution). Oh, something important about that, she tells me/us that she “likes her space”, therefore (hamster) the house has four bedrooms so she can go off and be on her own sometimes, and in addition to that, most weekends he will be out at the football, allowing her free time to herself. I swear these words have actually come out of her mouth.
  • She will get his old car as he will get a new company-car due to a promotion. She is also pushing for a convertible “whilst we’re still young”, and frequently confides in me what she’s going to be asking him for. For example, today she asked me what I would have in my ‘dream kitchen’, to give you an idea that she’s living quite vicariously.

Now, I’ve ran by her several questions such as ‘what if he wanted a pre-nup’, and ‘what if he wanted a paternity test’. The former would be that she wouldn’t marry him (what’s his is ours), indicating a want for spending/possessions to be equal. The latter received the response “I’d give it him, but divorce him afterwards, because you need trust for a marriage, and if there’s no trust, then there cannot be a happy marriage”; dat logic. That was despite my protestations about men ‘never knowing 100%’, and also bringing up that babies can be mixed at the hospital, plus cheating women, the unfairness of having to pay for a child that is not biologically bound, the prevention of biological trait/similarities inhibiting understanding, etc.

There was some clever hamstering going on here. Firstly, she stated that “if I did cheat on him with another man, I’d just get it aborted” (it seemed like a rephrased NAWALT, where she classified ‘types of women liable to do x/y/z and what x/y/z should/could do in return), and regarding the baby-swapping, she actually brought examples up of several soap-operas where this has happened… but then quickly changed the subject and walked off before I could say ‘well, that could happen’.

Now, there has been a pre-nup of sorts but it’s quite tricky to explain. It boils down to in the event that there is a divorce, she is not listed on the mortgage, and she must leave the house, i.e. she cannot claim squatters rights, or say “but, but I live here!” in an attempt to stay/claim something. She’s not happy with this, and let slip at the start of the week with the following story.

Her husband-to-be is a die-hard football/soccer supporter, and has a season ticket to the most predominant team my country’s highest league. It’s expensive, roughly around £700 a year or more, and you’re lucky if you can get one (even if you have the cash). He goes every week he can, and to the additional matches for cups, etc. Always has.

So, he’s meant to be ‘on a diet’ (enforced by her) due to the impending wedding, and he’d been doing well up until he went to the match last weekend, where he decided to drink and eat what he wanted with his mates. He declined to ring her back, and stayed out for quite a while whilst she has at home ‘waiting for him’. He gets home late, with a takeaway, and she’s angry, but really only because he didn’t have the stones to tell her to STFU. He slunk out of things by saying “oh, well I don’t know if we’re going to ‘x’ pub yet”, etc. They had an argument which ended with her ripping up this pre-nup thing. I thought this showed her cards a bit, because she said “you should have seen the look on his face!” She said it as if she was proud of this.

I proceeded to question her regarding him and what I believed she’s taken for granted. She maintains this air of worthiness, that she is somehow owed all of this that he’s giving her, that they are as-of-already one entity. Before she could speak again, I’d tell her that her current/future lifestyle would not be possible if it wasn’t for his wage, and that she should actually be very respectful about him/to him regarding this, and let him do whatever it is he wants. Of course, because he’s so Blue-Pill she knows that she’s onto a winner here (oh irony!), due to his spongy backbone. I’ve also got information regarding him; he’s had an overbearing mother (a Jewish mother, and I’m not being anti-Semitic with that remark, it’s just that I hear they’re high on the overbearing scale) and currently still lives at home…

So, I’m sitting here, asking these questions and all this is doing is ticking the boxes. She doesn’t know my thoughts, she doesn’t know I browse TRP whilst at work, she doesn’t know I know what she’s doing, and neither does she (well, not totally). What I am seeing is The Hypergamess at work here, and it’s never been more true to me. Just thought I’d share my musings and findings without having been on the receiving end of it.

If you have any specific questions, resulting from similar instances in your life, or any theories about related incidents within those mentions, just ask.