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[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You've already backed yourself into a corner via permitting the behaviour to continue after bringing up how it upsets you.
Its time to impose a consequence and stick to your guns.
[–]McDoogleSnatch 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with this gentlemen. Find an acceptable consequence and don't move from it. She needs to know you're a rock when you need to be.
[–]slcjosh 12 points13 points14 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I would suggest getting re-acquainted with your old plates, or meeting new potential ones, and do it openly.
[–]puck_mar1n 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The issue here is that you didn't nip the problem in the bud when you first found out about it. I would have told her that I didn't want her contacting the guy again and then I would have contacted him myself and told him to get lost. Essentially give her a "him or me" choice and if she picked you follow that up by making sure the other dude knows who is boss.
The more immediate problem is that she has now lied to you by telling you that she wouldn't talk to him again and then talking to him. That type of behavior can't be ignored and in my mind it's grounds for ending the relationship. If she's lied to you about this what else has/is she lying to you about?
I think it's time to cut and run...
[–]Party_Liquor 11 points12 points13 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I am a relative newbie to the forum but for what it's worth here are my thoughts. This was a shit test and you failed. You set a boundry and expectation, she violated it to see how you would react.
Now, don't take this the wrong way because I am on your side here, but you responded like a woman. You talked to her about how her actions made you feel. Wrong answer. Women act on feelings, men act on logic.
You need to impose a consequence. This will not be a discussion, you will tell her how it is going to be. She is done with the other guy or you are out. You must stick to this. It will be difficult because you already backed down once. So, when she contacts him again, and she will because she doesn't see you as alpha and, consequently, doesn't respect your boundries, then you drop the hammer on her. She will come crawling back.
Then you have a choice, some on here will tell you at that point to move on and never look back and some will say to continue the relationship under strict RP doctrine. You know the situation better than any of us so you make the call based on your experience with this chick and the dynamic.
Remeber being RP requires constant vigilance because women will constantly test you.
I hope this helps but I have confidence some more experienced RP'ers will be along shortly to cover anything I missed or screwed up. Good luck bro!
Edit: i forgot a word
[–][deleted] 4 points4 points4 points 12 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]a1004 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree with your point. She keeps tidy this branch of the tree. It means she is in the mood for jumping into another tree, when the circumstances and the tree's branch are solid enough.
[–]XcountryX[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I just think that he's so long distance, how could he be an exit-strategy?
[–][deleted] 7 points7 points7 points 12 years ago | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points3 points3 points 12 years ago | Copy Link
[–]Immuchtooawesome 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think the point he's trying to make is that the majority if beta orbiters are interested in the female and are consequently "friend zoned"
From there she can bitch all she want, the beta won't do anything but sit there and take it. He wants to be there for her.
[–]puck_mar1n 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He's the emotional crutch she will use to exit the relationship. In many respects he's the perfect exit strategy because she can contact him on her terms, maybe travel to see him a few times, all while also talking to guys geographically closer.
[–]XcountryX[S] 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
just found out about r/asktrp so im posting there instead
[–]XcountryX[S] 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well shit, looks to me like he is an orbiting beta and I think I shot myself in the foot by not recognizing it and letting it bug me.
I have stuck to my guns, told her to her lying to me is bullshit over this. To stop communication or gtfo
[–]slcjosh 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
how did she handle this op?
[–]XcountryX[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She said she would stop talking to him and that she felt shitty and didn't want to feel this way ever again. I was pretty firm with her. She apologized a lot saying how bad she felt for doing this. She looked at her actions and took some responsibility. I didn't talk to her the rest of the day.
We met up for an hour to chat in person and she looked pretty beat up over it. She really want's me to spend the night at her place tonight but I'm not sure about it. Could be awesome make up sex but I'm not really in the mood for it tonight.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Next...
[–]thegman84 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Option 1: Tell her to stop and impose a consequence if she doesn't.
Option 2: This is gonna be tougher than option one, but if you can keep your cool it might be worth it. When she's not expecting it, walk in and join their next Skype date. Don't be aggressive or anything.....be funny and super confident. Talk to her ex more than her and try to push her out of the conversation. See how the conversation feels and maybe make a few jokes to the ex at her expense.
[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points 12 years ago | Copy Link
[–]slcjosh 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To play devils advocate: i do agree its a bit beta to be concerned with with an "orbiter" 3k miles away, but in all fairness, they did have mutual attraction that got physical, its not like this is some chump shes been cock teasing for years. He did fuck this kids girlfriend some time ago.
I might might be way off base, but i think the biggest issue here isnt that OP is upset or concerned over the contact, he clearly is. being the alpha and the leader in the relationship, this is unacceptable to OP. The main problem lies in the fact that he never CLEARLY established this boundary beforehand, or when it came up first.
Instead he declined her request to stop contact, and then eventually said ok please stop talking to him now when she offered another time, which was a lie because she was going to do it again anyway. (This was the beta move, not setting the boundary instantly. If it clearly bothered op, he should have set the consequences long before it got to this point.
If she violated his trust or crossed the boundary again, it would be his job to hold up his end of the agreement and to walk or...whatver he saw fit.
[–]thewizardauz 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol play the field man, find someone new. looks likes she ready to hop on another boat, should it set sail.
[–]throwaway-o -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You might be the spinning plate here, buddy.
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[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]McDoogleSnatch 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]slcjosh 12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]puck_mar1n 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Party_Liquor 11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points4 points4 points | Copy Link
[–]a1004 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]XcountryX[S] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points7 points7 points | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points3 points3 points | Copy Link
[–]Immuchtooawesome 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]puck_mar1n 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]XcountryX[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]XcountryX[S] 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]slcjosh 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]XcountryX[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thegman84 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points | Copy Link
[–]slcjosh 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]thewizardauz 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway-o -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link