Problems about moving in together. Need some TRP advice.

RetiredTimeHo · 2015-12-04T23:55:16+00:00

Any TRP advice would be greatly appreciated.

You asked for it

shes 26 and has a 4 year old daughter

Idiot... She should never be more than a plate

So a short while ago, we talk about getting a place together, I was excited about the feeling because I have never done anything like this before, i've always been independant

wtf? why?? why the FUCK would you cohabitate?? single mom with kid moving in with you? it's like you WANT to be a blue pill moron

bye freedom, hello beta cuckold providing for a chick and another man's child

I feel like I am just a safety net because she can't make it on her own, she has always had her ex to fall back on financially, and I don't want to be the beta provider for her and her child part time. I bascially want her to stand on her own two legs before I come into the equation.

trust your instincts. you almost willingly made yourself a beta bucks cuckold. how dumb are you? you shouldn't ever want to be part of her 'equation'

this is TEXTBOOK slut single mom looking to lock down a beta provider and you almost fell for it. have some self respect

[deleted] · 2015-12-05T00:18:30+00:00

I don't want to be the beta provider for her and her child part time. I bascially want her to stand on her own two legs before I come into the equation.

You're dating the wrong person then. Eventually she's going to expect you to chip in for things here and there for the daughter. Baby daddy's gonna get butt hurt and say "Ask Big Mike Vegas for money for the school field trip" "Ask Big Mike Vegas for lunch money" "Ask Big Mike Vegas for that new iPhone for Christmas" and give her a hard time depending on how much of a jerk off the guy is over it.

This is just a big recipe for drama. What are you going to do if you two break up? Kick this woman and her daughter out into the street? You're 32. That's not old, you can still date women in their 20's who don't have kids..

[deleted] · 2015-12-05T00:14:58+00:00

on the 4th of July this year

You are moving exceptionally fast with this woman and it doesn't really sound as though she's proven herself to be worthy of this level of commitment and consideration.

Shortly after discussing this, I start to have doubts and concerns about the move, so I very discreetly slip my thoughts about the subject into random day-to-day conversations to try to ease my mind and draw a response out of my partner without turning the conversation into an argument.

What does this mean? Were you expressing your doubt and concerns to her in hopes that she would comfort you? Were you asking her practical questions? Why would talking about a life changing event lead to an argument?

it came time for a "serious" talk about the move, we had it 3 days ago, we both agreed this is what we both wanted and we decided to move forward with it. Meanwhile, after having this "serious" conversation, I start to have more doubts while she is ecstatic.

Why were you more concerned after the conversation? You decided to move in together - did you agree that it will happen "at some point in the future," or by next Feb? Did you talk about looking for potential places to live, budget, type of housing?

People will talk about wanting to get a pet, or have kids, or even get married...but there's a big difference between "I want to have kids one day" and "I want to have kids with you as soon as possible." Having a general conversation about living together is just the first step - there are a lot of details that have to be nailed down and figured out. I can't tell if you did hammer out those details or what the conversation was even really about.

I try my best to let her know that I don't think it's a good idea right now and she blows up, anger, sadness, the whole nine yards, telling me she feels like I lied to her and she doesn't know if she will be able to trust me after this, etc.

What did you say? Unless it was "I have changed my mind completely and I never want to live with you" her reaction is completely out of line. She went from 0 to 500 on the flip out scale. What are your concerns?

Is she always this reactive and unbalanced? What value does she bring to your life? What does she do that made you entertain the idea of living with her in the first place? She went from happy to flirting with ultimatums and making threats ("I don't know if I can trust you...").

It seems like you really didn't have your mind made up one way or another - so you went to her looking for 'proof' that it was the right call. Unfortunately your conversation with her left you feeling even more uncertain. Never make a decision you aren't confident about, or one that you don't fully support. If you went to her hoping she would ease your mind, then the topic never should have been broached. You weren't sure of yourself or her...and now you you have an uppity girlfriend that's freaking out. Her behavior is completely out of line, but it's also a symptom of weak leadership. You were indecisive, and she's doing whatever she can to get what she wants now.

CrazyHorseInvincible · 2015-12-05T02:25:37+00:00

Resubmit to asktrp.

MattyAnon · 2015-12-05T02:43:14+00:00

Moving in... and....

and has a 4 year old daughter.

She wants you to be baby daddy for someone else's child. It's that simple.

I feel like I am just a safety net because she can't make it on her own

Highly likely I'm afraid. What will you do if she loses her job? Will you be able to leave while she cries and tells everyone how you abandoned her and her daughter?

Highlighting from u/ImmortanBro: you get attached. daughter gets attached. you are made to feel responsible. you have no leverage. her behaviour will get worse. much worse. while she'll still get chatted up, you have no reasonable options to chat women up. she'll sense the shift and treat you accordingly.

If you do decide to go ahead with this, plan your departure. Have a plan B at every stage. Have a short term escape plan. And a long term "how to get out" plan. Never tell her about either. But keep your fucking options open.

ImmortanBro · 2015-12-05T01:37:56+00:00

TRP is a crowdsourced collection of theories and tactics, gathered and organized in one place, so that a man can learn how to be better at being a man (notice I didn't say "be a good man", because that is more subjective, and entirely optional).

There is a big emphasis on complete self interest in here, which is probably overemphasized in order to inoculate us from the constant drum beat of "a good man is thoughtlessly chivalrous, needlessly generous, and unreasonably servile to his(?) woman" that is promulgated everywhere else in society.

so the reddest, amoral advice is simple: kids are expensive, in time, money, and attention. you could probably get a woman without a kid, and she would have more to give you, or at least require less from you. So do it. If you can't, improve as a man until you can."

however, in real life we don't make all of our decisions based on cold logic, and I don't think that cold logical decision-making would make for the best quality of life for most people. I know that popcorn at the movies is marked up 8000%. Sometimes I just want it. I'm aware that, as my mother ages, she will become more of a burden, but I prefer her to live a long life even so. everything is not a pure cost/benefit analysis.

So that said, I won't shame you for getting serious with a single mom, or considering cohabitation with her. BUT You should go into things with eyes open. You gotta know the deal, OP. here's a few:

Dating a Mom

*you're in a building phase of life, trying to put money away or invest or build your resume. your milf has a priority that's inarguably higher than that and always will be. she can't spend her time and money helping you build your empire. If she's a decent woman, her kid is more important to her than buying property, than starting a business, than YOU. This is a big one, OP, and it's never gonna change.

*If you're a decent person, you'll get attached. Even if you don't, the daughter will. This limits your ability to walk righteously in the event that MYLF starts fucking up. 2 people to break up with, and for one, it won't even be her fault if you choose to make a move that hurts her.

Living with Her (or any woman really)

*your leverage is severely diminished because it's hard to walk away when you have a lease/share furniture/can't afford to live alone/all your shit is there. Imo most women are aware and act about as reasonably as they have to for the leverage they have. once living together, they say or do things they wouldn't do if they were dating a badass who was a risk to walk any day. They gain weight, they sleep in ratty shit, they suck less dick----Peg Bundy routine.

*other women become less of an option, which often caused a beta slide. You meet a girl who's cuter and younger, where will you go after drinks? Even if you're not crushing chicks daily now, maybe you could. But once you have a pseudo-wife, that's less possible, and before you know it, YOU'RE gaining weight, dressing worse, haven't approached a chick in a year. and lower smv starts a spiral where she loves/admires/respects you less too.

In conclusion: TRP is, at its heart, an understanding of human dynamics and the different ways the genders are built and appraised. Living with your single mother girlfriend doesn't make you automatically a punk weakling beta sucker faggot bitch.....

AS LONG AS YOU GO IN WITHOUT HAMSTERING.

If you can---keep your boundaries firm, keep your smv tight, AND understand that she's never gonna put you first, that any gains you make will be primarily made by you but will be shared with 2 others, that if you leave you're hurting a kid and that sucks, that you risk her performance deteriorating once your inertia sets in, and you STILL want to make that move, then you're free to.

but experience tells us how hard and disadvantageous this road is. and she ain't gonna give you a medal----as good as she's gonna fuck you, she's fucking you right now---so as long as you know all that, you've got about as much as TRP has to offer on the subject, and you have to make your choice.

Title	Problems about moving in together. Need some TRP advice.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	December 4, 2015 11:32 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3vh98y/problems_about_moving_in_together_need_some_trp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/problems-about-moving-in-together-need-some-trp.38664 https://theredarchive.com/post/38664

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